Lord let this be my prayer...

"I claim no right to myself, no right to this understanding, this will, these affections that are in me. Neither do I have any right to this body or its members, no right to this tongue, to these hands, to these feet, to these ears or eyes. I have given myself clearly away and not retained anything of my own. I have been to God this morning and told Him I have given myself wholly to Him. I have given every power so that for the future I claim no right to myself in any respect. I have expressly promised Him, for by His grace, I will not fail. I take Him as my whole portion and facility, looking upon nothing else as any part of my happiness. His law is the constant rule of my obedience. I will fight with all my might against the world, the flesh, and the devil to the end of my life. I will adhere to the faith of the gospel, however hazardous and difficult the profession and practice of it may be. I pray that God, for the sake of others, would cause them to look upon this as self-dedication for His sake. Henceforth, I am not to act in any respect as my own.

I purpose to be absolutely HIS"

Jonathan Edwards

Its been a year...

I got on this blog tonight planning to delete it. Been out of blog world for a while. Over a year actually. I started to read through old posts. Good memories. Great adventures. I've missed my playlist. But so much has happened since. So much time has passed. Writing here feels like catching up with a friend you haven't seen since high school. Where to begin?

Im trying to grow up, but fighting it at the same time. Is that possible? Thinking about who I want to be and wondering if I'll ever be there. Or if "there" is even a place at all. I miss the adventure but I fear it too.

This journey through grad school has been an adventure in itself.. just a different kind, I guess. 5 more months. And I'll be back at the beginning again. Come to think of it, seems like the last 27 years and 5 days have been lived in transition. Maybe life is more transition than we know... one day's journey to the next. No expectations. Just trust that we'll get to where we're going.

I keep telling Him what I want in my life. He keeps giving me what I need.

I want my life to mean something. But Im always on my knees.

He's given me a very specific purpose: a command to bind up broken hearts just as He came for mine. But Im afraid. Because the broken hearts break mine too. How do I go to the broken without becoming broken myself? Maybe that's the point. But Lord, its not pretty.

He made me to be intensely passionate and wildly adventurous. But Im afraid. Because sometimes that makes me different. And different isn't always received well. Lord can I live differently and still be desired? Does it really matter?

This year has, in many ways, been quite quiet. No big news to share. No tales of grandeur. But there have certainly been battles. Victorious ones, by His grace. And there have been tears. And there have been wounds reopened and healed. There have been relationships rebuilt. It has been one foot in front of the other. Step... by... step.

I have loved Him as I never have before. And I have known His outrageous love as it was meant for me.

"I lie down and sleep. I awake for the Lord sustains me" Psalm 3:5

Here and there

A brief look into what I've been up to the last few weeks...

Drove to Dallas last week to hang with Jen
- Coffee
- Conversation
- Running errands around town
- Chuy's on Knox
- Introducing Jen to the wonderful world of P90X:)
- Good times!

Caught a plane to Denver... drove to Colorado Springs to hang with Adam and his fam
- Good food
- Great friends
- Tasty 'ritas
- Mussels:(
- Laughs
- Hiking at Cheyenne Canyon
- Paradise porch time at Heidi's with great conversation and chocolate fondue
- Disappointment over game 3 of the College World Series
Thanks to the Rae Family for making me feel welcome!

Flew with Adam to Los Angeles
- Rented a bright blue beauty
- Spent a LOT of time in the car
- Found out about MJ's death while driving down Sunset Blvd
- Pinkberry
- Farmet Market
- The Grove
- ADELE (such a great show)/ Chaka Khan (no words can fully describe her performance)
- Red wine
- Rented movies
- In & Out Burger
- Body surfing in Santa Monica at dusk
- Weed shops in Venice
- Frisbee
- Reality Church
- Santa Barbara search for fine dining
- Adam getting called "stupid" by a guy driving by
- Slaps for making fun
- Quest for pasta salad

Visit to the Music City:
- Surprising Rach at the airport
- Getting excited about Ultimate Frisbee reunion, then tripping on an abandoned skate board in the dark 2.5 minutes
after arriving to play
- Late night yoga
- Failed attempt at late night core synergistics
- Night-time swimming in the lake
- Bongo/FIDO coffee dates
- Tea-time with Blaine and Russ
- Holy jeans
- Family dinner enchiladas

Back to Houston on the Fourth then starting work at TCH on Monday. Im preparing to step back onto the battlefield of treating childhood cancer... please pray for courage.

"All of my life, in every season
You are still God, I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship"

(Hillsong United)

Fiasco at the Depot...

Its almost time to head on out of the 'ville and journey back to the great state of Texas. I've been cleaning and packing and finishing up some minor repairs around the house before I go. The latest and most complicated repair has been the back screen door. Riley decided to create his own doggie door, so it was in great need of replacement.

I headed to The Home Depot, intent on replacing the door and basking in the light of my independence. Got to the Depot (after forgetting to measure the old door) and estimated the measurements of the appropriate door simply by standing next to it and imagining walking out into the backyard... perfectly planned strategy. I picked out my door and headed to the cashier to pay for it. Checked out (dropping a whopping $71.01... in cash) and continued on my merry way. Easy, right?

INTERLUDE: I have a habit of instinctly and immediately throwing receipts in the nearest trash can. I know its a horrible tendency (especially when my measurement estimation strategy is involved), but they annoy me and I hate them. Im pretty sure I threw my receipt in the trash can right outside the HD.

Continuing... I get home with my beautiful new screen door, look at it for a moment as I try to determine how on earth I will take down the old one and replace it with the new one. I was baffled.... so I called my Dad (so much for independence). He informed me there has been invented a glorious item called a "Screen Door Replacement Kit"... allowing one to replace not the entire screen door (frame and all), but just replace the screen! He assured me that it wasn't too unbelievably difficult but was much less expensive.

Back to the Depot, screen door in hand (receipt.. not in hand). I arrive at one of the customer service counters to meet a lady who is apparently not having the best day. I tell her my story, complete with meaningless details, as most girls would. I can tell she's getting impatient. She says I can exchange them.

"But can I get my money back?" I ask, hoping for a miracle.

"Not without a receipt you can't," she says, as if she was trying to punish me for even attempting this task which was so obviously out of the realm of my abilities.

"Even if I was in here not 15 minutes ago?!?!" I replied, in a slightly elevated tone.

"Well you dont have your receipt do you?"

I was really frustrated at this point and intent on not spending $70 on a Home Depot gift card. What the heck would I do with that?! Buy some lumber for my next construction project? Sadly, probably not.

So I asked her to hold on to my screen door. "Ill be back in a few minutes. Im gonna go look through the trash for my receipt". (I have no shame, people).

She didnt even try to stop me (which is secretly what I was hoping she would do). I went out the the trash can and started snooping through. One of the workers in the parking lot moseyed on over and asked if I needed help. I assumed he meant assistance with my customer service issue, but he probably meant the psychiatric kind. I explained my problem. As I was talking, the guy who originally checked me out walked up.

"I remember you... what's the problem?"

I repeat.

"Maybe Tiffany can help us out" he says as we re-enter the store.

Come to find out, Tiffany CAN help us. She called the Customer Service Office (which was conveniently located about 3 steps from where little miss No Smiles was standing at her check out counter, waiting for my return. One of the guys in the office had helped me earlier with my purchase and actually remembered the counter I had checked out at. They looked up my receipt, and BOOM... they returned my $71.01 dollars in cash.

Then I paid $7 for my screen door replacement kit and left to finish my project (which I did successfully... with a little help from two wonderful friends).

So thats the story of why making friends at Home Depot is ALWAYS a good idea... and keeping receipts is probably a smart choice too.

Its been raining in Nashville since we got home from our trip to the Midwest. Three straight days of rain... complete with bad hair days, wet shoes and soaked bottoms of my jeans (yet another reason that high heels ARE a blessing). A part of me wishes it would stop raining so the sun could grace us again with its presence... maybe then everything would make sense and be right in the world. But for now, the rain strangely seems to fit.

I read something today (at Bongo Java, not surprisingly). It said that "before spring becomes beautiful, it is plum ugly, nothing but mud and muck.... But in that muddy mess, the conditions for rebirth are being created".

Conditions for a new season. And with this new season await new springs of life, new joys, new sorrows and, in many ways, new depths of purpose. I find myself fighting the temptation to manufacture my own expectations or paint a portrait of a hypothetical landscape for what this new season might bring along with it. But in all honesty, I just want to see His glory in it... surely that is more than enough.

Over the last few weeks I have called out earnestly for direction... for peace in what has seemed like a whirlwind of potential possibilities. I tried to listen and I tried to wait. I walked forward asking for doors to open or close according to His perfect plan. I made lists of objective facts (lists that led me right back to where I started). I had my mind made up, but He had other plans. Im not sure whether or not I have walked well or prayed well through this. Scripture reminds me that my greatest effort, no matter how noble, is like filthy rags when compared to His marvelous light. Rags they may be... but He also says that He glories not in the tattered condition of my rags but in the placement of them at His feet as a humble, broken act of surrender. O Lord, have mercy.

I ask for your prayers... that He would lead and I would follow... that our efforts would bear fruit not in and of themselves, but as long-sustaining fruit of the seeds He has watered and caused to grow. Its so easy to leap forward into a life we are not yet ready for... to so badly desire the warm rays of sunshine that we curse the necessary renewal that comes from a good rain shower, however dreary it may seem.

"Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert" Isaiah 43:19

PS: Yes, I chopped my hair this week. I tried to post pics a few days ago but my internet connection was cruddy and it didn't post correctly. So... here ya go. Lend me your thoughts!

Happy Nashville Anniversary!!

TOP TEN LIST OF NASHVILLE MOMENTS FROM THE LAST 365 DAYS...


10. THE ONE WITH THE ROPE-SWING

One summer day some friends and I decided to have a pool day. Unfortunately, the pool we usually trespassed at was locked and we were unable to get inside without a key. So we sojourned to the Harpeth River where someone knew of a rope-swing.

We shared the swing with some crazy high school hoodlums, almost got bitten by a huge water mocassin... but this, frends, was the highlight of the day. My poor roommate, Caroline, could not get a good grip on the rope and even after 3 attempts continued to bellyflop into the river.


(you have to watch sideways.. sorry)





It was a good day.

9. THE ONE WITH THE BLASTED CANOE

Hanging out again on the Harpeth! This time canoeing with Rachel and my best friend, Jen, who came in town for the week. It was the end of the summer and the river was extremely low so we spent the majority of the adventure walking our canoe down the river. It was unbelievably frustrating but still a great memory (not to mention the awkward, crying young adult in the kayak with her friend who kept yelling at her and leaving her behind... Lord bless 'em)

"Just around the river bend!", "Majesty!! Kingdom Authority!!!" and "Where is the freaking bridge!?!" were the memorable quotes of this day.





8. THE ONE(S) ON THE PORCH

The porch at the Villa House is probably one of the best in the city. A couch, christmas lights, a fire pit, music... I cant pick out just one favorite memory so here's a few that will forever stand out in my mind...
- Post-run cool-downs, discussing how much we suck at running and never want to do it again...
- Adam grilling his famously delicious burgers
- Cold winter nights with fires
- Watching HIMYM until 4 am while it poured down rain
- Breakfast on the porch (minus tofu sausage)
- Talking for hours about anything and everything





7. THE ONE WHEN THE LONGHORNS LOST

Texas Tech versus the undefeated Texas Longhorns. Homemade Chili, Chips, and a whole lotta Texas Spirit... we were ready to watch the Longhorns slaughter the Red Raiders. Texas played a pitifully poor game until rallying from a 19-0 deficit in the first half and a 29-13 in the third quarter to lead 33-32 with only 1:29 to left to play.

At this time I was standing on my couch jumping, everyone was yelling...it was intense.

Texas left Tech with too much time on the clock and stupid Graham Harrell drove 62 yards to score a TD. Oh and all the ridiculous Tech fans decide to rush the field before the game was over...good call, guys.

This was probably the biggest let down of the year.. but another great memory.


6. THE ONE WITH PEPE LOPEZ

Josiah, Mark and I thought it might be cool to have our friend, Pepe Lopez over for a movie. Then we all hung out on the porch (see #8). He's a pretty cool guy I guess... but not as fun by himself. I dont think he'll ever be back over.

Sorry.. no pics for this one.

5. THE ONE WITH THE TATTOO

Emily came to visit and we both had been contemplating the idea of getting tattoos. So we did. Props to Billy Joe's on Broadway...


It says majesty written in Greek... artistic emphasis on the alpha and omega characters...

4. THE ONE WITH THE ROOMMATES

Decorating the tree for Christmas, Vaulx House Family Band, Try to kill/Screaming/Running from the Monster Bug in the Entry way, Movie Nights, Perching in the Kitchen... lots of fun memories in the Vaulx house.






3. THE ONE WITH THE KIDDIE POOL ON THE PORCH

My roommate Sara and I purchased a blow-up kiddie pool at Walmart. Around 2 am, Josiah, Tim and I decided it might be fun to have a pool party on the porch of the Villa House (see #8). It took at least an hour to blow up the pool... and Josiah had the brilliant idea of runnin the water hose from the kitchen sink faucet through the house and out into the pool.

Finally, it was all ready to go. So we sat in it... for maybe 30 min until the water got cold. Then got out. It was fun.



I wish I had a picture of us enjoying the "Blue Paradise Lagoon Kiddie Pool" ($24.96 at Walmart)... but I dont. So here's a pic of these kids enjoying this one instead..

2. THE ONE WHERE WE ORDER AND LEAVE

Making decisions, especially about food, is one of life's most challenging moments for us. Sometimes (more than once, believe it or not), we have taken an hour or more to decide what to eat, gone there, sat down, ordered four waters, decided not to eat there, tipped the waiter, got up and left...then we usually just go to Qdoba, Fat Mo's or just get Club Chili's ToGo.







1. THE ONE WITH BLUE HANDS

Rachel and Amber enter the Villa House and are immediately called on for medical advice and consultation. Blaine twisted his leg while running after Mark in a restaurant, and by the time he had returned home, his leg was throbbing and his hands had turned blue. We assessed the situation and, although the facts did not all line up, we sent Blaine to the Emergency Room for further evaluation. We receive a call not longer thereafter. The boys, looking for the Vanderbilt ER (located less than a mile from their home), are pulled over by the Vandy PoPo. Their story is believable enough to avoid a citation and they continue their search.

5 minutes later, we receive another phone call. On the other end is Blaine laughing hysterically. They found what they thought was the E.R. and went to check in. 20 year old, Blaine Tanner Reedy, reports to the admitting desk where the lady, obviously confused, asked him, "Sir, are you a veteran?" Yep... the found they E.R-at the Veterans Hospital...

Back in the car, the have one more run-in with the police before finally arriving at the Vanderbilt Emergency room. Blaine's leg is checked out briefly and the nurse looked at his hands, pondering what might have turned them this odd, grayish shade of blue. She asks Blaine to go wash his hands. He does. Still blue. He returns.

"No, go back and really scrub those hands good" she says.

He complies and there at that sink the mystery was finally solved. You see, Blaine's jeans were new and after hurting his leg, he began to rub it, transferring the indigo from the jeans to his hands. Unfortunately, the shade of blue was more of a bluish gray and the coolness of his hands gave them the similar appearance to those of a deceased person.

Needless to say, we have never lived down the fact that we completely misdiagnosed our friend. Sorry Blaine.


So many amazing memories to choose from! My life over the past year has been such an unbelievable blessing. Here's to another year of life and laughter... I love you guys.

Days go by....

I've missed you, friends. Its been almost a month since I last wrote. Pretty crazy, but it doesn't really surprise me. Days are flying by.

Remember in school when it seemed like the Spring Break would just NEVER get here? And summer seemed to last a lifetime...and those little red and green construction paper "countdown to Christmas" chain links only seemed to make the days before Christmas pass slower.

What the heck happened?!

I remember Dad saying once when I was younger that life flies by faster as you get older. I always thought, "Oh, that crazy guy doesnt know what he's talking about". But HE DOES.

(I feel the need to interject that if we were chatting in person, I would have said that last sentence like Nacho does in the movie "Nacho Libre"... you know, when he's talking to Sister Encarnacion... "They think I do not know a butt load about the Gospel, but I DO")...

I just movie quoted in a blog. Is that totally uncool? Dang...

Case in point.. time flies. I cut back on my hours at work in order to slow things down a bit. In case you are wondering, here's how my newly found free-time is being spent...

a) Stayed up after working all night to buy Coldplay tickets for the Houston show... only to find out yesterday morning that they just announced a Nashville show. Not sure what Im gonna do yet, but if anyone in Houston is interested tickets, I have four. I can't wait to see them live.



Section 108. $150 each.

b) Training for the Music City marathon. Im up to 6 miles. About 5 weeks to go. I've actually really started enjoying my nighttime runs (mom, if you are reading this, no I don't run by myself at night). My most recent playlist includes...

- Absolute: The Fray
- Rain Down: David Crowder Band
- Human: The Killers
- Shiver: Coldplay
- Psalm 118 (This is the Day): Shane and Shane
- White Lights: Deas Vail
- Say You Will: Kanye West (yeah I know, don't judge me:)
- Crystal Ball: Keane
- More to this Life: Steven Curtis Chapman (Abbey Road Sessions album)


c) Became an Arbonne consultant... as if I need any more stuff to do. Its actually kind of a fun release from other responsibilities of work and school. If things go according to plan, this will be me in a few years:)


d) Learned three new songs on Expert level of Guitar Hero. If this doesn't say something about my ability to spend my free time wisely, I dont know what does.

e) Attended my first NHL Hockey Game! Free tickets are always a great excuse for a Preds game. It was so much fun! ...even though we lost. Go Preds!


f) Latest new dishes for "Eat-In Thursdays" (our weekly feasts for four):
- Beef skewers and veggies on the new stove-top grill
- Ice cream cake made from ice cream sandwiches.. (OMG...so good)
- Homemade peach tea


Thats about all I got. Life is fun. If you are reading this from somewhere other than Nashville, I probably miss you tremendously though. Come...like now.