See Amber sit.

Been sitting a lot lately. I know what you may be thinking: "Amber? Sitting still? No way!"
Yes, folks. I have been learning the art of being still... and rejoicing in how He moves and teaches me though it.

First of all, Im learning how much I enjoy music. Weird, i know. I've always generally "liked" listening to music. But somehow it has recently become such joy to me. Maybe its just around me more these days. Of course I continue to wish that I had been blessed with more musical talent myself, but I've been overwhelmed while just laying around and listening.. some worship, some old-school praise stuff, some new tunes. It amazes me how music can change my mood... how, through it, my focus can change... and how it causes joy to well up within me. It brings me to worship in an extraordinary way.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock, my Redeemer" (Psalm 19:14)

My love for His word has regained a depth of intimacy. I remember in high school when I first really started reading my Bible. I was confused about a lot of things and wanted to learn for myself what His word said and what I really believed. So I began to sit with my Bible and read. I think I started in Romans. I can still remember that feeling I had when a rummaged through the pages.. Turning...turning. I couldn't get enough. There was life there. I still have such a love for His word, but many times I find it more difficult to allow it to really bless me since I tend to enter into reading with the attitude that it has lost the "newness" that it once had. Praise God that He continually restores my love for His living word! Reading back through Romans, I have found myself overwhelmed once again by the "elementary" teachings of Paul. Many of the struggles and questions I have been working through about sin and grace are so clearly delineated within these pages (see Romans 6).

As the psalmist writes, "Forever, O Lord, Your word is settled in heaven. Your faithfulness continues throughout all generations; You established the earth, and it stands. They stand this day according to Your ordinances for all things are Your servants. If Your law had not been my delight, then I would have perished in my affliction. I will never forget Your precepts, for by them You have revived me. I AM YOURS; SAVE ME" (Psalm 119:89-94)

Lastly, it seems like the hot topic in my life recently is "When is Amber finally gonna find a man and get married?" Almost every night that I work one of my patients asks me why Im still single (and if Im interested in meeting their brother.. or uncle.. or neighbor)... not to mention my mom who cant contain herself in her impatience as she waits for grandkids... and my many married friends who are eager for me to "join the club". The question came up again as I had dinner with a dear friend. In case anyone else out there is wondering, here's where I stand on the issue:

My thoughts on marriage and relationships have pretty much come full circle. There have been times that I have hated the idea because I could not see past my fears, wounds, and insecurities. There have also been times when I have longed for the companionship and security that comes with being "known" by another... for the joy of being pursued by someone and being the object of someone's affection. Geez, don't we all??

As I told my friend, Im content knowing that right now I am fulfilling a ministry that I can pursue fully only as a single woman. As I observe the lives of my married friends, I can see how marriage itself is a ministry and a new kind of challenge. It is something that I believe should not be entered into for foolish reasons, but is a passionate leap into a new journey that involves more than just "his-and-her" towels, a pretty dress, and new flatware. I hope this doesnt sound cynical. In short, its worth it to me to wait until He is clear about who He has for me. I know how difficult and how wonderful marriage can be, and I know that there will be times when I can stand only on the truth that this person is the Lord's best for me. Im excited about what is in store and I wait for it eagerly. But until then, I sit.. listening to great music.

"In love, in love, in life, in love
In you, in love, in death, my love
in time, in love, in place, in love
In form, in love, in death, my love
My God, my love, my life, my love
Is yours, my love, my bride, my love
This cross, my love, is mine, my love
To bear, my love, to die, my love
This cup, my love, this bread, my love
My life, my love, is yours, my love
Come drink, my love, my blood, my love
My life, my love, in death, my love
My God, my love, my life, my love
Is yours, my love, my bride, my love
This cross, my love, is mine, my love
To bear, my love, its time, my love "
(Jon Foreman)