Core Truth #3: I am an agent of Hope

I was a very nervous kid.

As a child, I remember having nightmares about robbers coming in an stealing me away from my parents. I would cling to my mom when we went shopping, terrified that I would be lost forever, only to become an orphan living in Walmart. I would get nauseous when I watched shows on t.v. that were even slightly violent or bloody (this might have something to do with the fact that I did watch Silence of the Lambs when I was 8).

I specifically remember one night as a young kid, sitting on the couch in our living room while my parents were watching E.R. The surgeon began to dive into the patient's abdomen, and a bit of blood squirted out. My stomach twirled and I thought I was going to puke. I told Mom that I didn't feel good. This not being the first time I had become queasy from watching t.v, she sighed, reassured me that it was only a t.v show, and sent me to bed.

Weird how things change. Somewhere along the road I grew up, even if the fears have never silenced completely.

I have a thing for war movies now. The Patriot, Black Hawk Down, Braveheart, Pearl Harbor, The Kingdom, etc. It's not the blood and guts that draws me. No, that's what causes me to watch them halfway hidden under a blanket. Instead, it's the passion that pulls me in. It's the fight, the struggle, the sweat and the tears. I think it paints a picture of the battle many of us face in this life. We defend our fortresses against the evil swords of the enemy, straining to press forward toward the assurance of victory.

Fighting for the wounded. Battling for the oppressed, the weary, the broken.

He has made it painstakingly clear that this is His purpose for my life. My greatest fears became His greatest purpose.

Feeling just a hint of their pain, their loss, reignites this pull that threatens to tear me in two. Its a deep ache and I mostly try to resist it, crying for mercy. I ask Him to relieve me of my duties, wanting so badly to receive orders to retreat home.. or to transfer to a non-combat position. Sometimes I don't want to be on the frontlines. That's where the risk is. That's where most of the flesh wounds occur.

Every time I ask though, the command remains.

"You are an agent of Hope. Fight for them. Cry for them. Speak truth in the midst of excruciating pain. You were made for this. I have equipped you for this task. Walk in My strength and I will bring the victory"

And, again, I must surrender to His plans, even if that means heading back out onto the battlefield...beaten and bruised... but fighting for a cause greater than myself.. greater than the confines of the world we know.

I am an agent of Hope.

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"Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord" 1 Corinthians 15:58

"Take heed to the ministry which you have received in the Lord, that you may fulfill it" Colossians 4:17