Its been a year...

I got on this blog tonight planning to delete it. Been out of blog world for a while. Over a year actually. I started to read through old posts. Good memories. Great adventures. I've missed my playlist. But so much has happened since. So much time has passed. Writing here feels like catching up with a friend you haven't seen since high school. Where to begin?

Im trying to grow up, but fighting it at the same time. Is that possible? Thinking about who I want to be and wondering if I'll ever be there. Or if "there" is even a place at all. I miss the adventure but I fear it too.

This journey through grad school has been an adventure in itself.. just a different kind, I guess. 5 more months. And I'll be back at the beginning again. Come to think of it, seems like the last 27 years and 5 days have been lived in transition. Maybe life is more transition than we know... one day's journey to the next. No expectations. Just trust that we'll get to where we're going.

I keep telling Him what I want in my life. He keeps giving me what I need.

I want my life to mean something. But Im always on my knees.

He's given me a very specific purpose: a command to bind up broken hearts just as He came for mine. But Im afraid. Because the broken hearts break mine too. How do I go to the broken without becoming broken myself? Maybe that's the point. But Lord, its not pretty.

He made me to be intensely passionate and wildly adventurous. But Im afraid. Because sometimes that makes me different. And different isn't always received well. Lord can I live differently and still be desired? Does it really matter?

This year has, in many ways, been quite quiet. No big news to share. No tales of grandeur. But there have certainly been battles. Victorious ones, by His grace. And there have been tears. And there have been wounds reopened and healed. There have been relationships rebuilt. It has been one foot in front of the other. Step... by... step.

I have loved Him as I never have before. And I have known His outrageous love as it was meant for me.

"I lie down and sleep. I awake for the Lord sustains me" Psalm 3:5