Marked by Majesty

Lord let this be my prayer...

2010-09-11T07:07:00.000-07:00

"I claim no right to myself, no right to this understanding, this will, these affections that are in me. Neither do I have any right to this body or its members, no right to this tongue, to these hands, to these feet, to these ears or eyes. I have given myself clearly away and not retained anything of my own. I have been to God this morning and told Him I have given myself wholly to Him. I have given every power so that for the future I claim no right to myself in any respect. I have expressly promised Him, for by His grace, I will not fail. I take Him as my whole portion and facility, looking upon nothing else as any part of my happiness. His law is the constant rule of my obedience. I will fight with all my might against the world, the flesh, and the devil to the end of my life. I will adhere to the faith of the gospel, however hazardous and difficult the profession and practice of it may be. I pray that God, for the sake of others, would cause them to look upon this as self-dedication for His sake. Henceforth, I am not to act in any respect as my own.

I purpose to be absolutely HIS"

Jonathan Edwards

Its been a year...

2010-07-19T20:05:00.001-07:00

I got on this blog tonight planning to delete it. Been out of blog world for a while. Over a year actually. I started to read through old posts. Good memories. Great adventures. I've missed my playlist. But so much has happened since. So much time has passed. Writing here feels like catching up with a friend you haven't seen since high school. Where to begin?

Im trying to grow up, but fighting it at the same time. Is that possible? Thinking about who I want to be and wondering if I'll ever be there. Or if "there" is even a place at all. I miss the adventure but I fear it too.

This journey through grad school has been an adventure in itself.. just a different kind, I guess. 5 more months. And I'll be back at the beginning again. Come to think of it, seems like the last 27 years and 5 days have been lived in transition. Maybe life is more transition than we know... one day's journey to the next. No expectations. Just trust that we'll get to where we're going.

I keep telling Him what I want in my life. He keeps giving me what I need.

I want my life to mean something. But Im always on my knees.

He's given me a very specific purpose: a command to bind up broken hearts just as He came for mine. But Im afraid. Because the broken hearts break mine too. How do I go to the broken without becoming broken myself? Maybe that's the point. But Lord, its not pretty.

He made me to be intensely passionate and wildly adventurous. But Im afraid. Because sometimes that makes me different. And different isn't always received well. Lord can I live differently and still be desired? Does it really matter?

This year has, in many ways, been quite quiet. No big news to share. No tales of grandeur. But there have certainly been battles. Victorious ones, by His grace. And there have been tears. And there have been wounds reopened and healed. There have been relationships rebuilt. It has been one foot in front of the other. Step... by... step.

I have loved Him as I never have before. And I have known His outrageous love as it was meant for me.

"I lie down and sleep. I awake for the Lord sustains me" Psalm 3:5

Here and there

2009-07-02T18:01:00.000-07:00

A brief look into what I've been up to the last few weeks...

Drove to Dallas last week to hang with Jen
- Coffee
- Conversation
- Running errands around town
- Chuy's on Knox
- Introducing Jen to the wonderful world of P90X:)
- Good times!

Caught a plane to Denver... drove to Colorado Springs to hang with Adam and his fam
- Good food
- Great friends
- Tasty 'ritas
- Mussels:(
- Laughs
- Hiking at Cheyenne Canyon
- Paradise porch time at Heidi's with great conversation and chocolate fondue
- Disappointment over game 3 of the College World Series
Thanks to the Rae Family for making me feel welcome!

Flew with Adam to Los Angeles
- Rented a bright blue beauty
- Spent a LOT of time in the car
- Found out about MJ's death while driving down Sunset Blvd
- Pinkberry
- Farmet Market
- The Grove
- ADELE (such a great show)/ Chaka Khan (no words can fully describe her performance)
- Red wine
- Rented movies
- In & Out Burger
- Body surfing in Santa Monica at dusk
- Weed shops in Venice
- Frisbee
- Reality Church
- Santa Barbara search for fine dining
- Adam getting called "stupid" by a guy driving by
- Slaps for making fun
- Quest for pasta salad

Visit to the Music City:
- Surprising Rach at the airport
- Getting excited about Ultimate Frisbee reunion, then tripping on an abandoned skate board in the dark 2.5 minutes
after arriving to play
- Late night yoga
- Failed attempt at late night core synergistics
- Night-time swimming in the lake
- Bongo/FIDO coffee dates
- Tea-time with Blaine and Russ
- Holy jeans
- Family dinner enchiladas

Back to Houston on the Fourth then starting work at TCH on Monday. Im preparing to step back onto the battlefield of treating childhood cancer... please pray for courage.

"All of my life, in every season
You are still God, I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship"

(Hillsong United)

Fiasco at the Depot...

2009-05-30T10:04:00.001-07:00

Its almost time to head on out of the 'ville and journey back to the great state of Texas. I've been cleaning and packing and finishing up some minor repairs around the house before I go. The latest and most complicated repair has been the back screen door. Riley decided to create his own doggie door, so it was in great need of replacement.

I headed to The Home Depot, intent on replacing the door and basking in the light of my independence. Got to the Depot (after forgetting to measure the old door) and estimated the measurements of the appropriate door simply by standing next to it and imagining walking out into the backyard... perfectly planned strategy. I picked out my door and headed to the cashier to pay for it. Checked out (dropping a whopping $71.01... in cash) and continued on my merry way. Easy, right?

INTERLUDE: I have a habit of instinctly and immediately throwing receipts in the nearest trash can. I know its a horrible tendency (especially when my measurement estimation strategy is involved), but they annoy me and I hate them. Im pretty sure I threw my receipt in the trash can right outside the HD.

Continuing... I get home with my beautiful new screen door, look at it for a moment as I try to determine how on earth I will take down the old one and replace it with the new one. I was baffled.... so I called my Dad (so much for independence). He informed me there has been invented a glorious item called a "Screen Door Replacement Kit"... allowing one to replace not the entire screen door (frame and all), but just replace the screen! He assured me that it wasn't too unbelievably difficult but was much less expensive.

Back to the Depot, screen door in hand (receipt.. not in hand). I arrive at one of the customer service counters to meet a lady who is apparently not having the best day. I tell her my story, complete with meaningless details, as most girls would. I can tell she's getting impatient. She says I can exchange them.

"But can I get my money back?" I ask, hoping for a miracle.

"Not without a receipt you can't," she says, as if she was trying to punish me for even attempting this task which was so obviously out of the realm of my abilities.

"Even if I was in here not 15 minutes ago?!?!" I replied, in a slightly elevated tone.

"Well you dont have your receipt do you?"

I was really frustrated at this point and intent on not spending $70 on a Home Depot gift card. What the heck would I do with that?! Buy some lumber for my next construction project? Sadly, probably not.

So I asked her to hold on to my screen door. "Ill be back in a few minutes. Im gonna go look through the trash for my receipt". (I have no shame, people).

She didnt even try to stop me (which is secretly what I was hoping she would do). I went out the the trash can and started snooping through. One of the workers in the parking lot moseyed on over and asked if I needed help. I assumed he meant assistance with my customer service issue, but he probably meant the psychiatric kind. I explained my problem. As I was talking, the guy who originally checked me out walked up.

"I remember you... what's the problem?"

I repeat.

"Maybe Tiffany can help us out" he says as we re-enter the store.

Come to find out, Tiffany CAN help us. She called the Customer Service Office (which was conveniently located about 3 steps from where little miss No Smiles was standing at her check out counter, waiting for my return. One of the guys in the office had helped me earlier with my purchase and actually remembered the counter I had checked out at. They looked up my receipt, and BOOM... they returned my $71.01 dollars in cash.

Then I paid $7 for my screen door replacement kit and left to finish my project (which I did successfully... with a little help from two wonderful friends).

So thats the story of why making friends at Home Depot is ALWAYS a good idea... and keeping receipts is probably a smart choice too.

2009-05-04T12:08:00.000-07:00

Its been raining in Nashville since we got home from our trip to the Midwest. Three straight days of rain... complete with bad hair days, wet shoes and soaked bottoms of my jeans (yet another reason that high heels ARE a blessing). A part of me wishes it would stop raining so the sun could grace us again with its presence... maybe then everything would make sense and be right in the world. But for now, the rain strangely seems to fit.

I read something today (at Bongo Java, not surprisingly). It said that "before spring becomes beautiful, it is plum ugly, nothing but mud and muck.... But in that muddy mess, the conditions for rebirth are being created".

Conditions for a new season. And with this new season await new springs of life, new joys, new sorrows and, in many ways, new depths of purpose. I find myself fighting the temptation to manufacture my own expectations or paint a portrait of a hypothetical landscape for what this new season might bring along with it. But in all honesty, I just want to see His glory in it... surely that is more than enough.

Over the last few weeks I have called out earnestly for direction... for peace in what has seemed like a whirlwind of potential possibilities. I tried to listen and I tried to wait. I walked forward asking for doors to open or close according to His perfect plan. I made lists of objective facts (lists that led me right back to where I started). I had my mind made up, but He had other plans. Im not sure whether or not I have walked well or prayed well through this. Scripture reminds me that my greatest effort, no matter how noble, is like filthy rags when compared to His marvelous light. Rags they may be... but He also says that He glories not in the tattered condition of my rags but in the placement of them at His feet as a humble, broken act of surrender. O Lord, have mercy.

I ask for your prayers... that He would lead and I would follow... that our efforts would bear fruit not in and of themselves, but as long-sustaining fruit of the seeds He has watered and caused to grow. Its so easy to leap forward into a life we are not yet ready for... to so badly desire the warm rays of sunshine that we curse the necessary renewal that comes from a good rain shower, however dreary it may seem.

"Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert" Isaiah 43:19

PS: Yes, I chopped my hair this week. I tried to post pics a few days ago but my internet connection was cruddy and it didn't post correctly. So... here ya go. Lend me your thoughts!

Happy Nashville Anniversary!!

2009-04-13T14:10:00.000-07:00

TOP TEN LIST OF NASHVILLE MOMENTS FROM THE LAST 365 DAYS...

10. THE ONE WITH THE ROPE-SWING

One summer day some friends and I decided to have a pool day. Unfortunately, the pool we usually trespassed at was locked and we were unable to get inside without a key. So we sojourned to the Harpeth River where someone knew of a rope-swing.

We shared the swing with some crazy high school hoodlums, almost got bitten by a huge water mocassin... but this, frends, was the highlight of the day. My poor roommate, Caroline, could not get a good grip on the rope and even after 3 attempts continued to bellyflop into the river.

(you have to watch sideways.. sorry)

It was a good day.

9. THE ONE WITH THE BLASTED CANOE

Hanging out again on the Harpeth! This time canoeing with Rachel and my best friend, Jen, who came in town for the week. It was the end of the summer and the river was extremely low so we spent the majority of the adventure walking our canoe down the river. It was unbelievably frustrating but still a great memory (not to mention the awkward, crying young adult in the kayak with her friend who kept yelling at her and leaving her behind... Lord bless 'em)

"Just around the river bend!", "Majesty!! Kingdom Authority!!!" and "Where is the freaking bridge!?!" were the memorable quotes of this day.

8. THE ONE(S) ON THE PORCH

The porch at the Villa House is probably one of the best in the city. A couch, christmas lights, a fire pit, music... I cant pick out just one favorite memory so here's a few that will forever stand out in my mind...
- Post-run cool-downs, discussing how much we suck at running and never want to do it again...
- Adam grilling his famously delicious burgers
- Cold winter nights with fires
- Watching HIMYM until 4 am while it poured down rain
- Breakfast on the porch (minus tofu sausage)
- Talking for hours about anything and everything

7. THE ONE WHEN THE LONGHORNS LOST

Texas Tech versus the undefeated Texas Longhorns. Homemade Chili, Chips, and a whole lotta Texas Spirit... we were ready to watch the Longhorns slaughter the Red Raiders. Texas played a pitifully poor game until rallying from a 19-0 deficit in the first half and a 29-13 in the third quarter to lead 33-32 with only 1:29 to left to play.

At this time I was standing on my couch jumping, everyone was yelling...it was intense.

Texas left Tech with too much time on the clock and stupid Graham Harrell drove 62 yards to score a TD. Oh and all the ridiculous Tech fans decide to rush the field before the game was over...good call, guys.

This was probably the biggest let down of the year.. but another great memory.

6. THE ONE WITH PEPE LOPEZ

Josiah, Mark and I thought it might be cool to have our friend, Pepe Lopez over for a movie. Then we all hung out on the porch (see #8). He's a pretty cool guy I guess... but not as fun by himself. I dont think he'll ever be back over.

Sorry.. no pics for this one.

5. THE ONE WITH THE TATTOO

Emily came to visit and we both had been contemplating the idea of getting tattoos. So we did. Props to Billy Joe's on Broadway...

It says majesty written in Greek... artistic emphasis on the alpha and omega characters...

4. THE ONE WITH THE ROOMMATES

Decorating the tree for Christmas, Vaulx House Family Band, Try to kill/Screaming/Running from the Monster Bug in the Entry way, Movie Nights, Perching in the Kitchen... lots of fun memories in the Vaulx house.

3. THE ONE WITH THE KIDDIE POOL ON THE PORCH

My roommate Sara and I purchased a blow-up kiddie pool at Walmart. Around 2 am, Josiah, Tim and I decided it might be fun to have a pool party on the porch of the Villa House (see #8). It took at least an hour to blow up the pool... and Josiah had the brilliant idea of runnin the water hose from the kitchen sink faucet through the house and out into the pool.

Finally, it was all ready to go. So we sat in it... for maybe 30 min until the water got cold. Then got out. It was fun.

I wish I had a picture of us enjoying the "Blue Paradise Lagoon Kiddie Pool" ($24.96 at Walmart)... but I dont. So here's a pic of these kids enjoying this one instead..

2. THE ONE WHERE WE ORDER AND LEAVE

Making decisions, especially about food, is one of life's most challenging moments for us. Sometimes (more than once, believe it or not), we have taken an hour or more to decide what to eat, gone there, sat down, ordered four waters, decided not to eat there, tipped the waiter, got up and left...then we usually just go to Qdoba, Fat Mo's or just get Club Chili's ToGo.

1. THE ONE WITH BLUE HANDS

Rachel and Amber enter the Villa House and are immediately called on for medical advice and consultation. Blaine twisted his leg while running after Mark in a restaurant, and by the time he had returned home, his leg was throbbing and his hands had turned blue. We assessed the situation and, although the facts did not all line up, we sent Blaine to the Emergency Room for further evaluation. We receive a call not longer thereafter. The boys, looking for the Vanderbilt ER (located less than a mile from their home), are pulled over by the Vandy PoPo. Their story is believable enough to avoid a citation and they continue their search.

5 minutes later, we receive another phone call. On the other end is Blaine laughing hysterically. They found what they thought was the E.R. and went to check in. 20 year old, Blaine Tanner Reedy, reports to the admitting desk where the lady, obviously confused, asked him, "Sir, are you a veteran?" Yep... the found they E.R-at the Veterans Hospital...

Back in the car, the have one more run-in with the police before finally arriving at the Vanderbilt Emergency room. Blaine's leg is checked out briefly and the nurse looked at his hands, pondering what might have turned them this odd, grayish shade of blue. She asks Blaine to go wash his hands. He does. Still blue. He returns.

"No, go back and really scrub those hands good" she says.

He complies and there at that sink the mystery was finally solved. You see, Blaine's jeans were new and after hurting his leg, he began to rub it, transferring the indigo from the jeans to his hands. Unfortunately, the shade of blue was more of a bluish gray and the coolness of his hands gave them the similar appearance to those of a deceased person.

Needless to say, we have never lived down the fact that we completely misdiagnosed our friend. Sorry Blaine.

So many amazing memories to choose from! My life over the past year has been such an unbelievable blessing. Here's to another year of life and laughter... I love you guys.

Days go by....

2009-03-13T21:55:00.000-07:00

I've missed you, friends. Its been almost a month since I last wrote. Pretty crazy, but it doesn't really surprise me. Days are flying by.

Remember in school when it seemed like the Spring Break would just NEVER get here? And summer seemed to last a lifetime...and those little red and green construction paper "countdown to Christmas" chain links only seemed to make the days before Christmas pass slower.

What the heck happened?!

I remember Dad saying once when I was younger that life flies by faster as you get older. I always thought, "Oh, that crazy guy doesnt know what he's talking about". But HE DOES.

(I feel the need to interject that if we were chatting in person, I would have said that last sentence like Nacho does in the movie "Nacho Libre"... you know, when he's talking to Sister Encarnacion... "They think I do not know a butt load about the Gospel, but I DO")...

I just movie quoted in a blog. Is that totally uncool? Dang...

Case in point.. time flies. I cut back on my hours at work in order to slow things down a bit. In case you are wondering, here's how my newly found free-time is being spent...

a) Stayed up after working all night to buy Coldplay tickets for the Houston show... only to find out yesterday morning that they just announced a Nashville show. Not sure what Im gonna do yet, but if anyone in Houston is interested tickets, I have four. I can't wait to see them live.

Section 108. $150 each.

b) Training for the Music City marathon. Im up to 6 miles. About 5 weeks to go. I've actually really started enjoying my nighttime runs (mom, if you are reading this, no I don't run by myself at night). My most recent playlist includes...

- Absolute: The Fray
- Rain Down: David Crowder Band
- Human: The Killers
- Shiver: Coldplay
- Psalm 118 (This is the Day): Shane and Shane
- White Lights: Deas Vail
- Say You Will: Kanye West (yeah I know, don't judge me:)
- Crystal Ball: Keane
- More to this Life: Steven Curtis Chapman (Abbey Road Sessions album)

c) Became an Arbonne consultant... as if I need any more stuff to do. Its actually kind of a fun release from other responsibilities of work and school. If things go according to plan, this will be me in a few years:)

d) Learned three new songs on Expert level of Guitar Hero. If this doesn't say something about my ability to spend my free time wisely, I dont know what does.

e) Attended my first NHL Hockey Game! Free tickets are always a great excuse for a Preds game. It was so much fun! ...even though we lost. Go Preds!

f) Latest new dishes for "Eat-In Thursdays" (our weekly feasts for four):
- Beef skewers and veggies on the new stove-top grill
- Ice cream cake made from ice cream sandwiches.. (OMG...so good)
- Homemade peach tea

Thats about all I got. Life is fun. If you are reading this from somewhere other than Nashville, I probably miss you tremendously though. Come...like now.

Make me a Farmer

2009-02-19T21:39:00.000-08:00

"Therefore, be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord. The farmer waits for the precious produce of the soil, being patient about it, until it gets the early and late rains. You too, be patient; strengthen your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is near" (James 5:7-8)

Seriously.. marked by majesty

2009-02-16T11:11:00.001-08:00

Im taking a class in Advanced Pathophysiology for grad school this semester...yeah, its lot of fun. Im actually serious. I totally don't mind studying.. everyday. Fun is probably the wrong word though. Intrigued... overwhelmed... mystified...fascinated- these words fit better.

A few years ago I had the opportunity to lead a group of college students through one of the coolest books ever written. It's by a Christ-believing doctor who spent his life working among leprosy patients in India. He passed away a few years ago, but the man's legacy lives on, not merely through words written in a book, but through the surgical techniques he invented that restored the hands and feet of lepers... the tears he wept for the people.. the lives he touched in India, in England, and in the States.

This book, written with the help of his friend and eager admirer Philip Yancey, explores the deep analogy between the human body and the Body of Christ (I have written a little about this in previous posts).

As Im working through each body system in my eleventy-billion-page patho book, I've been revisiting the coinciding topics in his book appropriately titled "In the Likeness of God". Im reminded of the incomparable majesty of our Creator. It never ceases to amaze me.

*** I originally wrote out several excerpts from the neurological section of the book. THEN...i returned to my blog tonight and realized how friggin' long this entry was! WOW... if anyone actually read that entire thing, please comment and you'll win a prize. I did save the content to a Word document in case anyone out there is curious.

Or just go get the book... especially if you have any interest in how the human body works. "In the Likeness of God" By Dr. Paul Brand and Philip Yancey.

Im getting long-winded again so I leave you with this...

"As mere biological entities, each with its own separate will to live and to expand, we are apparently of no account; we are crossfodder. But as organs of the Body of Christ, as stones and pillars in the temple, we are assured of our external self-identity and shall live to remember the galaxies as an old tale" (C.S. Lewis)

I've got a pulse... and that's a great thing

2009-02-09T12:20:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel most alive during intense moments of joy... on days when the sun shines brightly with a nice brisk breeze. And there are lots of smiles and laughter... and possibly some icecream. Times of completion and satisfaction... these are the days most of us covet. When we think of LIFE, this is what we tend to imagine.

But what about the things that scare us, the things that bring the possibility of disappointment, pain, or humiliation. Despite the fact that we wouldn't necessarily ask for them, we have to admit that sometimes tears and humility, intense fear and utter failure also have a way of reminding us that the blood is still pumping.

Its kind of funny that this concept has been so heavy on my heart recently because...

...this week I failed. I've been running at a pretty fast pace for a while... and this week I tripped up. To be honest, it felt more like someone threw a stick infront of me causing me to faceplant into the concrete.

Regardless, it hurt. And I cried. And I yelled. And I questioned. And I doubted my abilities and His choice to use such a broken and incapable vessel to accomplish anything. I had to take a step back and regroup... reassessing my responsibilities and re-evaluating my priorities.

I wanted out though. One small setback was enough for me to consider throwing in the towel. In short, I wanted to be pregnant (let me explain)....because it seems that the cool thing to do at work is get pregnant, go on maternity leave, and never come back. To put it simply (and more appropriately), I wanted a reason to quit.

But I didn't have one. And I certainly didn't have permission to use professional burn-out as an excuse for starting a family (sorry, mom:)

So I regrouped, made some changes, pulled back, and pressed on, thankful for the encouragement of my concerned friends and family.

Had some quality time with the Father. He helped me to remember that disappointment is a byproduct of risking.

And falling, a byproduct of living.

And I'd rather live, even if it means hitting a wall and having to regroup, than be satisfied with a life saturated with the comfortable and mundane.

My life is still an adventure. In times of rest, my lungs are filled by His breath and His words speak life into me. When its time to run, I really run, praying that His anointing covers my most daunting tasks. I haven't figured out this balance yet...Im trying, but its really difficult.

But thank God mercy triumphs over judgment (James 2:13)

"Kingdom Come" Coldplay

2009-02-02T16:57:00.000-08:00

Steal my heart
And hold my tongue
I feel my time, my time has come

Let me in
Unlock the door
I never felt this way before

The wheels just keep on turning
The drummer begins to drum
I don't know which way Im going
I don't know which way I've come

Hold my head
Inside your hands
I need someone who understands

I need someone, someone who hears
For you I've waited all these years

For you I'd wait
'Til kingdom come
Until my days, my day is done
And say you'll come
And set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

In your tears
In your blood
In your fire and in your flood

I hear you laugh
I heard you sing
I wouldn't change a single thing

The wheels just keep on turning
The drummers begin to rum
I don't know which way Im going
I don't know what I've become

For you I'd wait
'Til kingdom come
Until my days, my days are done
Say you'll come, and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

Life in Christ is just plain better.

2009-01-28T20:25:00.000-08:00

The mountains have a way of making me feel really really little. How can anyone stand at the foot of the Rockies and not experience at least a hint of the glory of Someone far greater than life itself?

About a week ago I was in desperate need of a vacation. I had begun to face the pressing reality that somehow I had inadvertently portrayed a false image that I had things "together".... that I was capable of undertaking all the glorious responsibilities I was being given.

I didn't ask for a promotion.. but I was getting one. I didn't ask for a research project, but somehow a simple hint of curiosity had turned into a massive undertaking. I didn't ask to be someone people relied on for spiritual encouragement or advice. Didn't these people know how much I have failed Him? It was as if somehow people were staring at a tainted photograph...in reverse.

Some crazy person airbrushed it and erased all my wrinkles, freckles and scars.

And now everyone has expectations...

******************

So I headed to the mountains for a breath of fresh air. Some relaxation and recuperation.

And then there was the snowboard.

I've hardly ever seen snow much less been involved with any type of winter sport, including skiing. While I love sports in general, this Texas girl was completely ignorant when it came to any type of sled or ski coming down an enormously steep and ferociously slick pile of ice.

BUT... my friend Adam had an extra snowboard and I was too cheap to rent unnecessary skis. Plus...snowboarders always looked pretty cool.

I had hesitations... I almost decided not to go. But I figured I had to at least try... even though I didn't even know how to buckle my feet in the darned thing. Go big or go home, right?

********************

Day One: spent mainly on my bum...or face.. or side... or belly... or knees.. or under the snow. I took a restroom break after about half the day. As I began to pull off layers of clothing, CHUNKS of ice came tumbling out. It was a little embarrasing. Yea... I left a trail of powder from the door to the bathroom. My shirt was frozen and so was my hair. My whole back was red from the ice. But for some reason, I kept wanting to go back up.

Day Two: Could barely get out of bed I hurt so bad. I had to take the day off from the slopes and went shopping instead. I was made painfully aware of muscles I had forgotten about. Motrin was my friend.

Day Three: Soreness was resolving and I was back out on the slopes. Aside from my quarrels with the ski-lift, I really began to get the whole snowboarding thing. Learned how to carve...to turn...to change speed...to stop without just making myself crash for goodness sakes! Even boarded down a few blues...and through some narrow areas of trees.

The fear was gripping... but it took pressing through the fear and deceitful images of my inadequacy... to really experience the thrill of learning something I never thought I could do.

********************

Is it possible that there are countless abilities left unattended simply because Im too afraid of failing? Fear can be so paralyzing and too often robs us of the thrill that comes after walking through it. I probably wont be in the X games next year, but what if my greatest purpose lies on the other side of my most daunting fears?

God showed me a lot about who He is this week. I learned that He is able to equip me for more than I think I am able... far more than I am able. I learned that there might be more within me than my wrinkles and freckles and scars solely because of His work in me. I learned that beyond fear often lies something worth pursuing... even if it means falling and failing...a lot.

*********************
"Unless a grain of wheat falls to the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal" (John 12:24-25)

Another "New Year's" Blog

2009-01-08T14:58:00.000-08:00

It's a new year and there's lots to think about.

There are things to be grateful for, things to try to forget... things to work on, things to "resolute"...

Im usually not one to hold on too tightly to the past. Im typically more eager, sometimes too eager, to dive into what is ahead.

But something inside me feels regretful to let go of 2008. It was a good year. Full of life, of travel, of change, of expectation, of disappointment, of journeying, of faith, of doubt, of uncertainty, of affirmation, of promise, of brokenness, and of intense joy. It was a time to say goodbye and a time for new hellos.. A time to learn more about who I am and what is within me... a time to struggle, to lay down idols, to change perspective, to fail... to disappoint and be disappointed, to forgive and be forgiven, to learn grace, and to feel His love more closely than ever.

This new year snuck up on me. It came and went so quickly that it wasn't until about the 3rd or 4th that I felt myself reaching back with a deep, disappointing sigh, "But I never got to say goodbye!"

I think 2008 was a significant year in my life. To let it go so flippantly seems so sinful.

But time moves on a forward continuum and we are forced to press ahead. There is much to look forward to and much to learn.

So, that said... goodbye, my beloved 2008, you were a good one. Nice to meet you, 2009, let's get started.

BLOOD = LIFE

2009-01-07T14:15:00.000-08:00

"Blood is the cause not only of life in general but also of longer or shorter life, of sleeping and watching, of genius, aptitude and strength. It is the first to live and the last to die"

(William Harvey, 17th century British scientist who revolutionized our understanding of circulation and blood)

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"I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me and I in him. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of Me"

(Jesus, 1st century carpenter who revolutionized our understanding of sin, redemption, and everlasting, abundant life)

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2008-12-28T15:04:00.000-08:00

"You must not turn aside, for then you would go after futile things which can not profit or deliver because they are futile. For the Lord WILL NOT abandon His people on account of His great name because He has been pleased to make you a people for Himself"

(1 Samuel 12:21-22)

Deep in the Heart of Texas

2008-12-19T17:41:00.000-08:00

At the Houston airport baggage claim...

While waiting (a long time) for my luggage to come around on the little "luggage carwash", I hear this over the loud speaker:

"Mr. Swanson, we have your gun in the lost luggage office. Please come and pick it up at your earliest convenience... Mr. Swanson, please pick up your gun at the lost luggage office".

It was now clear...yep, I am in Texas.

Home for the Holidays

2008-12-18T14:01:00.000-08:00

So I made it to Houston for the holidays. I was welcomed by a great lunch at Willie's Icehouse... oh so good.

Also, I came home to find my previously mattress-less bed completely restored with added feather-down accessories. Im pretty sure this was a ploy to get me to come home more. My ultra-comfy bed plus my recent work overload/lack of sleep, contributed to the fact that I definitely slept...neh, hibernated... for 16 HOURS last night. Once I did wake up, I ate some breakfast before going back to sleep for another hour or so until Dad called and wanted to get lunch. My goodness.

Oh and yes, I have returned to my previous status as a blonde because.. well, maybe they do just have more fun? Jk.

Hoping to begin.. and finish Christmas shopping soon.

I so love Christmas time!

If you are in Htown, gimme a call. I'd love to see you!

Core Truth #3: I am an agent of Hope

2008-12-15T13:55:00.000-08:00

I was a very nervous kid.

As a child, I remember having nightmares about robbers coming in an stealing me away from my parents. I would cling to my mom when we went shopping, terrified that I would be lost forever, only to become an orphan living in Walmart. I would get nauseous when I watched shows on t.v. that were even slightly violent or bloody (this might have something to do with the fact that I did watch Silence of the Lambs when I was 8).

I specifically remember one night as a young kid, sitting on the couch in our living room while my parents were watching E.R. The surgeon began to dive into the patient's abdomen, and a bit of blood squirted out. My stomach twirled and I thought I was going to puke. I told Mom that I didn't feel good. This not being the first time I had become queasy from watching t.v, she sighed, reassured me that it was only a t.v show, and sent me to bed.

Weird how things change. Somewhere along the road I grew up, even if the fears have never silenced completely.

I have a thing for war movies now. The Patriot, Black Hawk Down, Braveheart, Pearl Harbor, The Kingdom, etc. It's not the blood and guts that draws me. No, that's what causes me to watch them halfway hidden under a blanket. Instead, it's the passion that pulls me in. It's the fight, the struggle, the sweat and the tears. I think it paints a picture of the battle many of us face in this life. We defend our fortresses against the evil swords of the enemy, straining to press forward toward the assurance of victory.

Fighting for the wounded. Battling for the oppressed, the weary, the broken.

He has made it painstakingly clear that this is His purpose for my life. My greatest fears became His greatest purpose.

Feeling just a hint of their pain, their loss, reignites this pull that threatens to tear me in two. Its a deep ache and I mostly try to resist it, crying for mercy. I ask Him to relieve me of my duties, wanting so badly to receive orders to retreat home.. or to transfer to a non-combat position. Sometimes I don't want to be on the frontlines. That's where the risk is. That's where most of the flesh wounds occur.

Every time I ask though, the command remains.

"You are an agent of Hope. Fight for them. Cry for them. Speak truth in the midst of excruciating pain. You were made for this. I have equipped you for this task. Walk in My strength and I will bring the victory"

And, again, I must surrender to His plans, even if that means heading back out onto the battlefield...beaten and bruised... but fighting for a cause greater than myself.. greater than the confines of the world we know.

I am an agent of Hope.

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"Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord" 1 Corinthians 15:58

"Take heed to the ministry which you have received in the Lord, that you may fulfill it" Colossians 4:17

Lay down, Ishmael

2008-12-13T13:48:00.000-08:00

"I connect with Abraham and Samuel's grief, as well as their desire to remain loyal to people and courses, and not just casually toss something out the window that's not quite working. But sometimes the Lord calls us to something new, and in order to live in the new we must lay down the old. It's a tested truth that the flesh of Ishmael and the promise of Isaac just cant live together any more than Saul and David were able to do it. Sooner or later someone's throwing spears and the other' fleeing the country. It's just so much harder to live this way when the two opposing entities are warring within us. That's why it's essential to offer up our Ishmael's to the Lord, to make room for the new, the promise, the path of freedom. When responding to God's direction, the bitterness of a heartbreaking goodbye cant be compared to the sweetness of a divine hello. It is worth whatever you're still clinging to". Kelly Minter (from No Other Gods)

Such seems to be the story of my life. If you get a chance to check out this book, it's great. I strongly recommend it.

Core Truth #2: He is good.. so so so good.

2008-12-06T10:31:00.000-08:00

" So the Lord gave Israel all the land which He had promised to give to their fathers, and they possessed it and lived in it. And the Lord gave them REST on every side, according to all that He had promised to their fathers, and no one of all their enemies stood before them; the Lord gave all their enemies into their hand. NOT ONE OF THE GOOD PROMISES WHICH THE LORD HAD MADE TO THE HOUSE OF ISRAEL FAILED; ALL CAME TO PASS" Joshua 21:43-45

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"Give thanks to the Lord for HE IS GOOD. His love endures forever" 1 Chronicles 16:34

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"The trumpeters and singers joined in unison as with one voice to give praise and thanks to the Lord. Accompanied by trumpets, cymbals and other instruments, they raised their voices in praise to the Lord and sang, 'HE IS GOOD! HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER!'". 2 Chronicles 5:13

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"TASTE and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!" Psalm 34:8

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"The Lord indeed will give what is good; our land WILL yield its harvest" Psalm 85:12

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"The Lord is GOOD, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him" Nahum 1:7

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"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed- not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence- continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act for His good purpose" Philippians 2:12-13

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"Like newborn babies crave spiritual milk, so that by it you my grow up in salvation, now that you have TASTED that the Lord is GOOD" 1 Peter 2:2

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"Praise the Lord!
For it is GOOD to sing praises to our God;
For it is pleasant and praise is becoming.
The Lord BUILDS UP Jerusalem;
He GATHERS the outcasts of Israel.
He HEALS the brokenhearted
And BINDS UP their wounds.
He COUNTS the number of the stars;
He NAMES all of them.
GREAT is our Lord and ABUNDANT in strength;
His understanding is INFINITE.
The Lord SUPPORTS the afflicted;
He BRINGS DOWN the wicked to the ground.

Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving;
Sing praises to our God on the lyre,
Who COVERS the heavens with clouds,
Who PROVIDES rain for the earth,
Who MAKES grass to grow on the mountains,
He GIVES to the beast its food
And to the young ravens which cry.

He does not delight in the strength of the horse;
He does not take pleasure in the legs of a man.
The Lord favors those who fear Him,
Those who WAIT for His lovingkindess.

Psalm 147: 1-11

Core Truth #1: He is the Lord, my God

2008-12-02T01:20:00.000-08:00

" To whom will you compare Me or count Me equal? To whom will you liken Me that we might be compared?... I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like Me" Isaiah 46:5, 9

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" I am the Lord and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will deliver you from their bondage and I will also REDEEM you with an outstretched arm and with great judgments. Then I will take you for My people, and I will be your God; and you shall know that I am the Lord your God, who brought you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians. I will bring you to the land which I promised to give to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and I will give it to you for your possession; I AM THE LORD" Exodus 6:6-9

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" Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders which You have done, and Your thoughts toward us; There is none to compare with You" Psalm 40:5

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" The Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind saying, 'Have you ever in your life commanded the morning or caused the dawn to know its place, that it might take hold of the ends of the earth, and the wicked be shaken out of it?...Have you ever entered into the springs of the sea or walked into the recesses of the deep? Have the gates of hell been revealed to you or have you seen the gates of the deep darkness? Have you understood the expanse of the earth? TELL ME IF YOU KNOW ALL THIS.

Do you know the time the mountain goats give birth? Do you observe the calving of the deer?... Do you give the horse his might? Do you clothe his neck with a mane?...Is it at your command that the eagle mounts up and makes his nest on high?
Will the faultfinder contend with the Almighty?" Job 38:12-18; 39:1, 19; 40:1

" Then Job answered the Lord and said, ' Behold I am INSIGNIFICANT; what can I reply to You? I lay my hand on my mouth. Once I have spoken and I will not answer; Even twice, and I will add nothing more...I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted, Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge? Therefore I have declared that which I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. Hear, now, and I will speak; I WILL ASK YOU AND YOU INSTRUCT ME. I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear; BUT NOW MY EYE SEES YOU; Therefore I retract and repent in dust and ashes" Job 40:3-5

Runner's World and the Gospel

2008-11-24T15:53:00.000-08:00

Im not a great runner. But I run. Sometimes. When I'm motivated. Mainly by new tunes on my IPOD... or the growing amount of time I must spend doing lounges in my jeans before they stretch out a little.

Ran a half marathon a few years ago. Im bragging, I know. But the bragging, I feel, is acceptable considering the amount of pain I was in afterwards. Problem was, I tried to run the race without training properly. BIG mistake. One day I ran eight miles. Ignorantly, I believed one eight-mile run was enough to pull off 13. I was wrong. And after the race, I was hurting... hurting bad.

Patience is always required in training. Most days it seems like no progress is being made. Some days it isnt, but then again, sometimes progress is invisible. And one day you wake up and you've run 10 miles without breaking a sweat... yeah, not for me.

Read an article a while ago in Runner's World (I believe reading this magazine makes me a real runner). It talked about the importance of strengthening your "core" to improve endurance and posture, while preventing injury. Your "core" (abdomen and mid section) supports all the other muscles of the body. According to this article, as your core strengthens, all other muscles strengthen. How did I go so long without knowing this?

"The core of your body is where you derive your power; it provides the foundation for all arm and leg movements. Your core must be strong, flexible, and unimpeded in its movement to achieve maximum performance"

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I learned a few years ago that everything pertaining to the human body contains a depth of spiritual insight when compared to the Body of Christ. It is overwhlemingly obvious that we were made to be the closest living examples of LIFE in the spiritual realm. What better way to display Himself than to answer the question "Where is God?" with "Seriously, He's in you".

From the three organs absolutely vital for the existence of life, brain (Father), heart/blood (Son), and lungs/breath (Spirit) to the concept of purposeful muscles movement to the delicate senses of taste and sight and touch... not to mention the deep comparison of neurological communication to the petition/feedback mechanism that exists in the sacred act of prayer and intercession. Its there... if you allow yourself to see it. The greatest evidence of the gospel of Jesus is closer to you than the person sitting next to you. Amen, right?!

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I have continued to struggle with the temptation to become discouraged by the weight of this world... its sufferings.. its aches... its wants... the not-so-subtle reality that this is world not what was intended.

The questions remain:

How do I protect myself from the injury that the suffering of this world seeks to place upon me as I run?

Is it possible to live with a sense of power over the frailty of this mortal world?

Can I learn to walk with a posture that allows me to somehow gain endurance enough to persevere through the pain and shortness of breath?

According to Runner's World (and Jesus), the answer lies not in simply training more... forcing myself to continue the journey despite the aches that cry for me to stop. Pain is after all, the body's protective mechanism, warning the body of impending danger. It can be one of the most dangerous or most beneficial tools for gaining insight into the Body's capabilities. To ignore it is to allow for the possibility of injury; To remain sensitive to its cries, to investigate its causes, and to provide rest when rest is due, contributes to an improvement in strength and endurance.

No, the answer lies not in more running, but within this concept of strengthening the "core". As I studied this article, I began translating it into spiritual terms, asking, what is my "spiritual core"? When I become overwhelmed, what are the fundamental, scriptural truths that I must rely on for strength? When everything else seems fleeting, what do I KNOW to be truth?

If the core of my spiritual being is not being empowered or strengthened, no matter how much I want to run... or how much I want to succeed, carrying out great purposes for the kingdom of God... my body will eventually give.

So what are my "core spiritual truths"? They are non-negotiables... reminders that will enhance my strength when the aching tells me to throw in the towel.

Im making a list...stay tuned.

"Behold you desire truth in my innermost being and in the hidden parts You will make me know wisdom" Psalm 51:6

2008-11-04T22:40:00.000-08:00

The uncertainty of the future typically causes a longing for the past. Tonight, as the events of our country's election rolled out, the only thing I wanted was to be sitting in the comfort of my parent's home in Houston... even if it meant that Dad and I spent the evening yelling at the TV. It's weird how that happens...how anxiety about the future has a way of bringing about some kind of regression in us- a longing to go back to a time when we were innocently ignorant of the seriousness of the world's happenings.

Like almost every other American, I remember where I was when, as Alan Jackson sang, "the world stopped turning". It was September 11, 2001. I was living in the small east Texas town of Nacogdoches during my first semester as a college freshman. As I headed to my 8am biology class, I learned of news that a plane hijacked by terrorists had crashed into the WTC. I refused to believe it at first...asking the person who told me to check their sources and get back to me. There was just no way that could happen. This is America, for goodness sakes. Things like that don't happen to us. Moments later my bio professor confirmed what I refused to believe and my world was shaken.

Everything suddenly seemed uprooted. In an instant, all became uncertain. There were only two things I was sure of: 1) our country, and by extension our world, would never be the same and 2) the only place I wanted to be was home.

Last night as I watched the number of electoral votes for Barack Obama flip past 270, my feelings returned to those of that fateful day. I again was overcome with the reality that our country (and by extension, our world) will never be the same. I sincerely hope that Mr. Obama has our best interests at heart... that somehow all the lies he has already told will miraculously become truth... that he proves himself to be a man of character and not a man marked by deceit. I hope that I am wrong... I hope.

Yesterday I just wanted to be home. I wanted to feel safe. I wanted to be a kid again... unaware of the repercussions of the choice we have made. Not only so, but I found myself longing for my heavenly home even more than my earthly one. I realized that despite what is ahead, I must stand on the truth that I have one foot in the world and one foot in heaven. According to Philippians 3:20, my citizenship is in heaven and I am called to a purpose and a calling outside of what this world has to offer me.

Mr. Obama says he is, above all else, for CHANGE. I believe that under his guidance change will certainly take place. The plight of our economy will certainly change... our standing in the eyes of our friends (and enemies) around the world will certainly change. Our daily lives may be affected in some drastic ways as a result of the change he wishes to make. But I know God's calling on my life will not change. His purpose in who I am becoming is constant. What I will accomplish for His kingdom on this earth certainly will not change according to the amount of money I have in my bank account or the value of the American dollar.

Im vowing to support our country and it leaders despite my differences in opinion. Of course, I will not stand for deceit or oppression/injustice. But I want to continue having faith in our country and its people... believing that there is reason to hope that our God is powerful and He continues to reign among us.

Need another laugh?

2008-10-24T04:05:00.000-07:00

Funny story that happened on my way back from Hawaii a few months ago. I originally decided not to post this in case the guy somehow found my blog online. Its been a few months. It's still funny. Im posting it.

So here's the scene:

Last leg of my flight home...from Chicago to Nashville. Im in the window seat working on a Sodoku puzzle (greatest time-waster in the history of man).

Next to me sits a young Asian guy with horrid breath. I notice him peering over my shoulder as I work.

Now, I know this may sound stereotypical, but my first thought was...here is a guy of Asian "persuasion"...they are typically good with puzzles. "Sodoku" sounds Asian.. therefore, OBVIOUSLY this fella is watching me and thinking, "7 there, 6 there...4 in the bottom left box...9 in the middle...Dang this girl is slow".

I look up at him as if to say, "hey dude, I see you over there peering and I know I suck at these.. BACK OFF".

He speaks, "Can you teach me this game?"

Surprised, I began to teach the guy how to play Sodoku. Then I tore out a sheet and let him give it a try. He started out slow, but quickly got the hang of it.

Turns out the guy lived in Taiwan and was traveling for business. He asked about my job and my family. We had a nice conversation during the remainder of the trip.

Toward the end of the plane ride, he asked for my email. Glad that he didnt ask for my phone number, I gave it to him and wished him safe travels back to his homeland.

That night I received an email from him (thick accent is most pronounced if email is read aloud):

Dear Amber,

I am glad to meet you in my tedious business travel and thank you taught me such interesting number game. I think I will buy this game to practice my brain for win the race with you in next time ^_^. I have taken the photos as attachment when I went to the Sea World last month, but I don’t know which one is SHAMU =.=”, maybe he is the biggest in Sea World. From airport to my motel drive the car about 30 minutes, your hospital is in Nashville downtown? I think I will have free time to look at and shopping for gift in the downtown before leave for San Diego. May I have a date with you? Maybe you can provide some comment when I choice the gift or eat delicacy if you know somewhere have. By the way, your name in Chinese version is 琥珀, do you like this type? Maybe I can teach you Chinese ha~
Looking forward to hear your response and have a nice day.
Sincerely
Vans
Vans is his "American" name, by the way. And Ps.. there were attached 5 pics of Shamu (including the one at the beginning of this post).

I sent this reply:

Vans,
Thanks very much for your email but I don't think I will be able to meet with you. I'm working a lot this week and I have family coming into town. Thank you for the offer though.
It was very nice meeting you!
Amber

The next day I received this last email which was even more incomprehensible that the first.

Dear Amber,
That’s ok, I think we have the chance in the future. ^_^
Please take care your body and nurse usually work long time than other job.
Today I have saw the die deer on the freeway that is very shake me, afterward I hear customer say the deer is around the Nashville. By the way I have ever seen the black cattle when I look lost…
Maybe the time is not enough to look at the Nashville but it impressed me the most comfort, the live with animals.
If you have any funning thing I am very glad be a listener.
Sincerely Vans

Poor guy. By far, the most flattering, yet unsettling set of emails I have ever received.

Time for some comedic relief

2008-10-23T23:50:00.001-07:00

Click here

Bare with the singing...Best part is at 2 min 52 secs.

See also:

This one.

I found these oddly comforting...

2008-10-20T19:41:00.000-07:00

"Christianity is not a life of comfort but of conflict. Anyone who chooses to become a Christian automatically enter's God's military and is immediately engaged in the longest war ever fought" (Stephen Hill)

"How shall I feel at the judgement, if multitudes of missed opportunities pass before me in full review, and all my excuses prove to be disguises of my cowardice and pride" (Dr. W. E. Sangster)

Jesus, let my head tell my heart.

Sometimes Life's Just Not Fair

2008-10-20T00:54:00.000-07:00

Still struggling a little... Ok, a lot. We've lost quite a few kids recently and many are just dealing with some really rough stuff. I've watched families deal with this mess for over three years now and I still cant seem to make sense of it.

As you might imagine, it's unbelievably difficult to watch a child suffer and not know how to make it better. I keep asking the Lord, "Really, how much can one person endure?". He hasn't answered.

We havent really talked a lot recently. Kind of in a fight, I guess. Maybe Im giving Him the silent treatment. I know there's stuff to be dealt with and I know I'm probably being stubborn. I dont have the energy to wrestle with it. Im afraid of what it will bring out of me because I know what's in there. The doubts, the frustration, the emotional exhaustion of it all.

So, I have one more night at work, then Im hoping to get away for a few days to clear my head and somehow deal with this dull ache in my heart. Not sure where Im going yet. Not too far since the fiscal fast still holds the reigns on my spending (you'd be very proud to know how little moo-lah I spent this week).

Speaking of the fiscal fast, I went to McDonald's in the hospital to grab a little breakfast a few mornings ago. Apparently, they are now charging extra for OJ! I bought a breakfast MEAL and the lady charged me $1.85 extra for a small OJ. I argued with her for a while and she wouldn't budge. No lie...my $5.08 McD's breakfast was -by far- the most expensive meal I had all week. WOW.

This was quite the depressing post. Looking forward to brighter days:)

Hook Em Horns

2008-10-18T02:11:00.000-07:00

Ive been thoroughly impressed by the way Texas has been playing this year...and I dont think I'm the only one. I have to say, I had my doubts about McCoy coming into this season, but he's made an extremely impressive improvement since last season.

The defense has been the biggest worry since they seemed pretty inconsistent during the first two or three games. I also have been impressed with Muschamp's defensive coaching...and his charisma. I love watchin this guy on the sidelines. Hoping he'll stick around with Texas for a while, but who knows.

The Oklahoma game was incredible. OU had a lot of talent, but I think Texas wanted it more. Dont think I've seen a college team play with that much heart in a long time.

So they are the top dogs now and have to hold on to it. Get ready for the game tonight against Mizzou! Of course I think they are capable of a strong win... but coming off a difficult game against OU last week may prove to be a challenge.

I read a great article about Colt McCoy today. Check it out.

And this clip was pretty much the highlight of the Texas/OU game: Quan Cosby's block on Lendy Holmes Click here.

If you're in Nashville, I'm cooking some yummy chili before the game. And perhaps a little pumpkin pie. Come over, hang out, eat and watch the game! Dinner at 5pm.. game at 7. Hook Em!

Blessed with a burden...

2008-10-10T12:39:00.000-07:00

My roommates and I usually have our best conversation in the kitchen, perching on the counters while some tasty goodness is in the process of being prepared. A few days ago this was the scene again. This time its Caroline brewing up some fabulous Louisiana Cajun Gumbo while I perch, a breathtaking aroma filling the house.

Caroline is a new nurse. She just started at Vanderbilt Children's after graduating from Samford University and completing the nurse residency program at Vanderbilt. She's working in the same specialty as me...Hematology & Oncology.

This week Caroline experienced for the first time the overwhelming burden of watching a parent lose a child. Watching her deal with the frustration and utter helplessness of journeying through such tragedy with a family has resurfaced many memories of children I have known over the last few years.

I have had a stirring in my heart... a command that the Lord keeps requiring of me... one that I recently learned to avoid.

I've been thinking a lot about Chelsey...a patient of mine from a few years ago while I was working at Texas Children's. More details on her story here. Perhaps this conversation is the sequel to the conversation I wrote about in the blog linked above.

When I look back I can see how I have learned to protect myself when it comes to my job. I have learned to set up boundaries in an effort to avoid the deep heartache that I often feel for these families as I seek to bear their burdens. It's a protective mechanism.. and it is safe.

Moving from city to city as a travel nurse made it much easier to escape the possibility of entering into actual relationships with patients and families. I did my job...I smiled and joked around with the kids...I still got upset when faced with the reality of death. But I learned to leave it at that... something I never wanted to allow myself to do. Im not even sure when or how it happened.

I know there's a line. After Chelsey died, I said that I would absolutely never be as close to a kid as I was with her... not that I regretted investing in her life, but I didn't think it was possible for me to endure the wrestling and the utter emotional exhuastion once again...not to mention the feelings of defeat and spiritual attack.

Caroline and I chatted for a while about those boundaries and the difficulty of maintaining our own health and sanity while still being able to engage in these families lives, lifting them up and bringing their deepest burdens before the throne of God. Its a risk. And above all it requires a very open, a very healthy, and a very honest relationship the Lord, knowing that only He can handle the big stuff... the ugliest stuff of life.

The very next morning I received a text msg from Chelsey's mom. Aside from the occasional email, we have not talked in over a year. The txt message simply read, "Call me". Not sure if it was a mistake, I had to call her. Come to find out, Sandy was txting without her glasses on again and actually meant to txt her daughter Amy, but sent it to me instead:) We ended up catching up for over half an hour. They are doing well... Life has continued despite the ever present sting.

I mentioned to Sandy about my conversation with Caroline...adding that I still think about Chelsey often and miss her like crazy. Her tone changed. And she said, "Amber.. you've got to deal with that. You know that Chelsey would have an absolute fit if you didnt invest in other children the way you invested in her life. You know she found her faith through you, and you cannot hold that back from the others". Moved to tears, I agreed.

Sometimes kids cross my path and there is just something that stirs... a command to step in, even while not knowing what lies ahead. Its a command that can be heeded or avoided completely, but the stirring doesn't leave regardless of the action (or inaction) I take.

That said...meet Makenzie. She's a beautiful 8 year old girl that I have had the privilege of caring for over the past few weeks since her diagnosis. Click here for her story. Please pray.

Its Nifty to be Thrifty

2008-09-30T23:05:00.000-07:00

This week's events on Wall Street sparked some interesting conversation at work during downtime. My friend Rebecca and I consistently have political conversations as we catch up on our current events...and the latest fashion trends when the new InStyle comes out.

The economic status of our country and this week's fall of the DOW got us talking about our spending habits. We decided that if the stock market were to in fact, crash, we would have to make some major changes in the way we spend our money. This led us to the conclusion that we actually could live on less than we do...and why not try to make some of those changes now?

Our first challenge: spend less money on food and coffee.

Each week we can only spend $50 on food. I already spent $35 on groceries and I spent $3 on coffee before work tonight. So I have $12 left... until Friday (yes, i realize its not a full week..."baby steps"). Its totally possible but Ill have to sacrifice a little. Oh.. and I did find $0.51 in my friends' couch so I have a little wiggle room. Thank the Lord for the Value Menu!

I'll let you know how it turns out.

Oh and I've been flipping through this book, learning tips on how to live the frugal life...

2008-09-25T11:09:00.000-07:00

"Let the command of His love be felt at the roots of my existence"

Thomas Merton

See Amber sit.

2008-09-24T10:30:00.000-07:00

Been sitting a lot lately. I know what you may be thinking: "Amber? Sitting still? No way!"
Yes, folks. I have been learning the art of being still... and rejoicing in how He moves and teaches me though it.

First of all, Im learning how much I enjoy music. Weird, i know. I've always generally "liked" listening to music. But somehow it has recently become such joy to me. Maybe its just around me more these days. Of course I continue to wish that I had been blessed with more musical talent myself, but I've been overwhelmed while just laying around and listening.. some worship, some old-school praise stuff, some new tunes. It amazes me how music can change my mood... how, through it, my focus can change... and how it causes joy to well up within me. It brings me to worship in an extraordinary way.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock, my Redeemer" (Psalm 19:14)

My love for His word has regained a depth of intimacy. I remember in high school when I first really started reading my Bible. I was confused about a lot of things and wanted to learn for myself what His word said and what I really believed. So I began to sit with my Bible and read. I think I started in Romans. I can still remember that feeling I had when a rummaged through the pages.. Turning...turning. I couldn't get enough. There was life there. I still have such a love for His word, but many times I find it more difficult to allow it to really bless me since I tend to enter into reading with the attitude that it has lost the "newness" that it once had. Praise God that He continually restores my love for His living word! Reading back through Romans, I have found myself overwhelmed once again by the "elementary" teachings of Paul. Many of the struggles and questions I have been working through about sin and grace are so clearly delineated within these pages (see Romans 6).

As the psalmist writes, "Forever, O Lord, Your word is settled in heaven. Your faithfulness continues throughout all generations; You established the earth, and it stands. They stand this day according to Your ordinances for all things are Your servants. If Your law had not been my delight, then I would have perished in my affliction. I will never forget Your precepts, for by them You have revived me. I AM YOURS; SAVE ME" (Psalm 119:89-94)

Lastly, it seems like the hot topic in my life recently is "When is Amber finally gonna find a man and get married?" Almost every night that I work one of my patients asks me why Im still single (and if Im interested in meeting their brother.. or uncle.. or neighbor)... not to mention my mom who cant contain herself in her impatience as she waits for grandkids... and my many married friends who are eager for me to "join the club". The question came up again as I had dinner with a dear friend. In case anyone else out there is wondering, here's where I stand on the issue:

My thoughts on marriage and relationships have pretty much come full circle. There have been times that I have hated the idea because I could not see past my fears, wounds, and insecurities. There have also been times when I have longed for the companionship and security that comes with being "known" by another... for the joy of being pursued by someone and being the object of someone's affection. Geez, don't we all??

As I told my friend, Im content knowing that right now I am fulfilling a ministry that I can pursue fully only as a single woman. As I observe the lives of my married friends, I can see how marriage itself is a ministry and a new kind of challenge. It is something that I believe should not be entered into for foolish reasons, but is a passionate leap into a new journey that involves more than just "his-and-her" towels, a pretty dress, and new flatware. I hope this doesnt sound cynical. In short, its worth it to me to wait until He is clear about who He has for me. I know how difficult and how wonderful marriage can be, and I know that there will be times when I can stand only on the truth that this person is the Lord's best for me. Im excited about what is in store and I wait for it eagerly. But until then, I sit.. listening to great music.

"In love, in love, in life, in love
In you, in love, in death, my love
in time, in love, in place, in love
In form, in love, in death, my love
My God, my love, my life, my love
Is yours, my love, my bride, my love
This cross, my love, is mine, my love
To bear, my love, to die, my love
This cup, my love, this bread, my love
My life, my love, is yours, my love
Come drink, my love, my blood, my love
My life, my love, in death, my love
My God, my love, my life, my love
Is yours, my love, my bride, my love
This cross, my love, is mine, my love
To bear, my love, its time, my love "
(Jon Foreman)

Attack of the Bumble Bee

2008-09-20T00:32:00.000-07:00

Today I was driving in Brentwood. Stopped at a light... proceded through. Weather has been stinking AMAZING, so of course I had the windows down and was jammin to some freshly downloaded tunes.

Out of nowhere, a bee hits me IN THE FACE. Yes, thats what I said. Picture this, people... it hit me in the face... as I was driving. I think it may have hit the top of my window opening before it actually hit me because it was dead..err.."unconscious" after it hit me.

So there I was...stunned for a moment, terrified, and surprised that I had so easily kept my composure and managed to stay in my lane as this chaos was happening.

The bug.. which Im deciding was a bee although I'm not so sure. It was HUGE...it was black and had some yellowish "fur" with black spots.. and it was HUGE. I think it might have had teeth too...fangs if I remember correctly.
Come to think of it.. it looked exactly like this.

So it gets better. The thing is lying on my floorboard because I'm too afraid to pick it up and throw it out the window while I'm driving. I decide to try to forget about it for the time being and get it out upon reaching my destination.

I continue. I make a turn. I look down to find the blasted thing sitting ON MY LEG! I cannot explain to you the fear I experienced at this moment. The freaking bee monster had come back to life and decided to pull a sneak attack!

I pretty much flipped out at this point...still not sure how I managed to prevent an accident. I swatted. I squirmed. I screamed. It was not pretty. I pulled over at the first possible place and got it out of my car.

Out of curiosity I had to watch it for a moment. The injured insect proceeded to hobble toward me, dragging his wounded hind leg...err..winged extremity... as if it was his life's mission to make my life hell.

What in the world?!

I hate bugs.

Cure for the Pain

2008-09-15T02:37:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why it always goes downhill
Why broken cisterns never could stay filled
I've spent ten years singing gravity away
But the water keeps on falling from the sky

And here tonight while the stars are blacking out
With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt
I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my lord! to suffer like you do
It would be a lie to run away

So blood is fire pulsing through our veins
We're either riders or fools behind the reigns
I've spent ten years trying to sing it all away
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my lord! to suffer like you do
It would be a lie to run away
A lie to run, it would be a lie
It would be a lie to run away

It keeps on falling (x4)
Water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my lord! to suffer like you do
It would be a lie to run away
It would be a lie to run away
It would be a lie to run away

(Jon Foreman)

2008-09-14T22:09:00.000-07:00

Its been quite a week since I've been back in Nashville. Started with getting sick just about as soon as my plane landed. Got better after sleeping for about 25 hours straight. Then after working the last few days with little sleep, Im feeling worse than I did before. Stupid sickness...

Been in touch with family and friends who have been "hunkering down" in Htown. They were without power for the last few days but suffered little to no damage. I called dad after the storm blew over. He was getting a back up generator hooked up to a t.v. so they could watch college football. I am my father's daughter:)

I have the next four days off.
My plans include:
- catch up on sleep...again.
- clean the house
- laundry
- bridal shower
- Hang with Riley at Centennial Park...then he gets a bath
- Get some writing done(?) and/or drink coffee/tea and listen to some new tunes

yes, I have a VERY exciting life.

2008-09-12T09:14:00.000-07:00

"Freedom is a fragile thing and is never more than one generation away from extinction. It is not ours by inheritance; it must be fought for and defended constantly by each generation, for it comes only once to a people. Those who have known freedom and then lost it, have never known it again."
- Ronald Reagan

"The longer I live, the more convincing proofs I see of this truth: 'that God governs in the affairs of men.' And if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without His notice, is it probable that an empire can rise without His aid?"
- Benjamin Franklin

"The philosophy of the school room in one generation will be the philosophy of government in the next."
- Abraham Lincoln

"God who gave us life gave us liberty. And can the liberties of a nation be thought secure if we have removed their only firm basis: a conviction in the minds of men that these liberties are the gift of God? That they are not to be violated but with His wrath? Indeed, I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just; that His justice cannot sleep forever."
- Thomas Jefferson

Houston = a breathe of fresh air?

2008-09-11T08:38:00.000-07:00

"This hill, though high, I covet to ascend;
The difficulty will not me offend,
For I perceive the way to life lies here.
Come, pluck up, heart; let's neither faint nor fear.
Better, though difficult, the right way to go,
Than wrong, though easy, where the end is woe"
-From The Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan

Wasn't planning to go home until October. Work responsibilities had become overwhelming and I couldn't remember the last time I had slept anywhere close to eight hours at one time. I have had a difficult time finding a "home church" here in Nashville... something that has become more than a little frustrating to me.

Had an urgent need to watch football with my brother, and I wanted to worship without wondering whether a church's doctrine matches what I believe... whether they truly seek to glorify the name of Christ rather than seeking to be trendy and presentable.

So, it was time to step out of the nicotine-filled cloud that is Nashville. Thanks to Southwest Airlines, I hopped on a plane and journeyed home to Houston seeking a breath of "fresh air".

Being home reminded me that our God is powerful and faithful to restore. I remembered where I was a year ago and how He has brought restoration to every area of my life that was once broken. I realized this while having dinner with great friends... I realized it while playing wii (and laughing uncontrollably) with my family... I remembered this while worshipping... really worshipping, in a restored worship center among fellow believers and friends.

Had a conversation soon after I got back to Nashville. A friend asked me what made me decide to move to Nashville. The only answer I could give was, "He opened a door... I walked forward... He provided in every possible way. This is where Im supposed to be for this time. I'm certain of it".

He has certainly been my Provider. Even in the areas where Im still waiting I can rest knowing that He is also intentional in the waiting. I am learning to give up control... learning patience... that I might recognize His best for me.

I never thought that Houston would ever be "fresh air" for me. I never would have believed that home would be a place I longed for. A few people have asked me recently whether Houston might again be a permanent possibility for me in the future. First of all, "permanent" is a word I rarely use. I have no idea what the future holds. I am open to wherever the Lord might lead. For now and for the near future, I am a resident of the Music City.

2008-09-01T11:00:00.000-07:00

"Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth" (1 Corinthians 13:6)

Alive

2008-08-28T10:49:00.001-07:00

"The Kingdom belongs to people who aren't trying to look good or impress anybody, even themselves. They are not plotting how they can call attention to themselves, worrying about how their actions will be interpreted or wondering if they will get gold stars for their behavior.
Twenty centuries later, Jesus speaks pointedly to the preening ascetic trapped in the fatal narcissism of spiritual perfectionism, to those of us caught up in boasting about our victories in the vineyard, to those of us fretting and flapping about our human weakness and character defects" Brennan Manning

I've been trying to get back to writing... but Im suffering from a pretty severe case of "writer's block". I have about 15 pages written. They're pretty much rubbish, but they're written.

Why not take a break and blog instead?

So, I guess Ill go ahead and lay it out there: I got a tattoo this weekend. There it is. According to some, I may not be seeing you guys in heaven anymore. I actually like it a lot. It hurt a little but not as bad as I expected. In case you are worried, rest assured...this is the only tattoo I plan to have. No sleeves for me:) The guy who did it told me he had just gotten a picture of Ron Burgundy tattooed on his butt.. and he was already regretting it. Yikes.

Anyways, here's a pic. It says "majesty" written in greek with artistic emphasis on the "Alpha" and "Omega" characters (hence, the title of this blog).

Its almost September. We're moving into my favorite time of the year... the leaves changing, the weather cooling down. Jackets and scarves and boots and hats will soon be making their way out of our closets. Im terribly excited.
Oh and PS... football season starts this weekend. Got College Gameday set up and ready to go:) You know where I'll be... come watch some football with me.

2008-08-22T20:31:00.000-07:00

"He who has the Son has life" (1 John 5:12)

As I was saying...

2008-08-19T01:44:00.000-07:00

I got sidetracked by my Hawaiian vacay and my new career as a stand-in for anyone and everyone's relatives. If you take a look back, I was writing about my struggle to define the line between the perfectionism of an unpredictable, erratic and legalistic Christian and the lazy, apathetic and misguided fool who so easily succumbs to idols.

To be sure, neither of these portraits portray any hint of honesty...with themselves or with God. Both seek to mask the burdened soul, pretending to overcome (or ignore) the screams that cry for freedom.

We all find ourselves periodically tee-tottering toward one side or the other.

So where is the "narrow path" on this continuum?

The last several weeks, I have found myself in some humbling situations...but they have also been situations where I have been forced to move forward, not giving excuses for my actions or even explaining myself. That's one of the hardest things to do, is it not?... explaining yourself to people. Making sure that others know your motives even though its not even relevant, just so that a certain image is upheld. Its a ridiculous and exhausting waste of time.

The bottom line is that through these situations, I have, sometimes painfully, found that perfection only comes through the cross of Christ. I can never expect to be anything if it is not through Him.

I've realized during this time that it is His mercy that I am most desperate for. Because all good things seem to stem from it. Through His mercy, I receive His Spirit which then bears fruit within me (love, joy, peace, patience...) As the scriptures say, His mercy is new every single morning. I am nothing if I am not found there because He has, in every way, made me who I am. He says to "be holy for I am holy" because I could never be holy if He wasnt. The two are completely connected.

So Im learning to crucify the life that seeks my own vain attempt at perfection to gain the One who gives me Life.

As Francis Schaffer once said so simply, "True spirituality consists in living moment to moment by the grace of Jesus Christ".

DISCLAIMER: Philippians 3:12-16

I should've been a body double

2008-08-14T18:09:00.000-07:00

Last night two of my three patients told me that I looked like and reminded them of their cousins. I guess I just have one of "those faces" because I get that a lot. The funny thing about this time though: one of them was african-american. Hmmmm...

Day 4: LOST

2008-08-10T09:30:00.000-07:00

Mission: Take the Judd Trail through the bamboo, eucalyptus and ironwood forest. Pass through the Norfolk Pines. Meet the Nu'uana Trail. Continue through the upper Pauoa Valley and Pauoa Flats... through the sea of swirly twirly gumdrops...and arrive at Manoa Falls.

We arrive ready to conquer. Our friend Courtney, who is an experienced hiker told us to be careful not to be fooled by side trails... so we were EXTRA careful.

Starting our hike, we immediately follow the directions crossing the stream. We continue on, but find that the directions are getting more and more confusing. Its totally not making sense. Still we continue, believing that the trail was more difficult than Courtney let on. This trail will NOT get the best of us!

After about an hour, we are thoroughly confused. We have not found the "short metal stake" signaling a left turn across the gully. How "short" is "short"? Is it labeled? Is it hidden? Some mean person MUST have picked it up to confuse us! And I havent seen a gully... I don't think. Wait...what is a gully?!

Ashamed and disturbed by our sub-par hiking skills, we reluctantly decide to turn back.

Upon our return to the starting point, I walk a few feet past where we started. I see a sign up ahead...

"Whoa...what does that say???"

"Aw. CRAP. We are idiots!"

Turns out there are signs all throughout the trail. We just missed the first one.. and by extension....all the others. The "short metal stake" we were looking for was just that... a short metal stake... except there was also a sign on the top of it... with an arrow...pointing left...towards the gully.

Note to self: Never assume the trail is tricking you...and always ask expert if there are bright orange signs on the trail.

I found a broken down Vespa!...and pretended to ride it...

Then I grabbed a bamboo limb and somehow managed to slice open my finger:(

Altogether, it was still a fun day!

Day 3: NO QUIERO TACO BELL

2008-08-10T08:05:00.000-07:00

Jen and I ventured out to Laie for the Luau. We wanted to stop for lunch nearby so I got out my trusty Garmin to aid in our quest to find a tasty hawaiian cafe.

Amber: Ok... Island Cafe coming up in 0.5 miles...0.4...0.3....0.2...0.1.. NOW...
Jen: Um... there's just trees and huts. No restaurant.
Amber: CRAP. Let just go to the next one.

Repeat the above conversation x4. Each restaurant was nowhere to be found. Our hunger intensifies. Finally we find one inside this little community. It looks promising:

We get up to the shack only to find that they pretty much only sell shrimp... which Jen is deathly allergic to. STINK. We get back into the car and, frustrated once again, decide to begrudgingly settle for an upcoming Subway. At least we know it'll be open...and not deadly.

We arrive at Subway to find this handy dandy, super professional sign posted:

GGrrrrr....What in the world?! We are forced to settle for the Taco Bell next door. And we were VERY excited about it (sike).

Pics from the Luau and Polynesium Culture Center:

Check out my ink.

Worker guy sporting a MULLET (with the added "Jheri-curl" feature)!!! Well done, man...well done!

Day 2: Surf's up at Waikiki

2008-08-08T00:20:00.000-07:00

I love to surf. Its seriously one of my favorite things to do. Aside from the fact that it beats you up pretty bad. I have blisters and cuts on my feet and knees, a bruised finger, a surfboard rash on my inner elbows, and the beginning stages of a sun burn. I know I'm gonna be sore tomorrow. Still, I had an absolute blast.

This morning we parked at a lot and took a small ferry boat over to Waikiki. The ride took over an hour, but it was amazing.
These pics are from the boat:

The rest of the day, we walked around Waikiki and laid on the beach. Heavenly.

Tomorrow we travel to the Polynesium Culture Center for an authentic Hawaiian Luau and dinner feast:)

Day 1 (...again): Aloha from Hawaii!

2008-08-07T23:16:00.000-07:00

Im still alive. Havent had a chance to post since my computer is not working well with the internet here. Here's the low down:

I'm ashamed to inform you that I was unable to fully accomplish my "Meet and Greet" goal yesterday. During my first flight, I was completely surrounded by a multitude of male passengers. This made the initiating of meeting/greeting a bit awkward.

On my second flight, I had the privilege of sitting next to Mr. Grumpy McGrumpson for 6 hours. He was not a happy man. My heart hurt for him. I offered him a stick of gum, hoping to boost his spirits (have you ever seen the commercial for Wrigley's Spearmint Gum? -"the taste, the taste, the taste is gonna MOOOVE ya!)

Much to my dismay, Mr. Grumpson was not moved in the direction of happiness. He didnt want my gum. I thought about taking a pic of him while he was sleeping...just to document our "connection"...but he had already had a mini-bottle of wine and a Bloody Mary and I didnt want him to wake up and clock me.
Why the heck am I wasting this post on Mr. Grumpy?... I digress.

So, I finally arrived in this beautiful paradise yesterday afternoon. Jen met me, Starbucks in hand (she knows me all too well)! We snorkeled at the Lagoon in Ko'olina then had dinner at a really cool outdoor restaurant (with live music:) right on the beach.
See below for pics!

We're in Hawaii! Yay!

Snorkeling. I love to take pictures when my upper lip is pressed against my face.

Sunset = amazing

View from our dinner table.

Day 1: Nightmare at the BNA

2008-08-05T18:00:00.001-07:00

Worked all night. Ran home long enough to change clothes, freshen up a bit, grab the bags and say good bye to Riley.

On the way to the airport I receive a phone call from United Airlines informing me that my connecting flight from Chicago to San Fransisco has been cancelled due to bad weather. CRAP. Thankfully though, I received the call before I was already in the air.

Luckily I arrived a bit early and have a little bit of time to argue with the ticket counter people about my options.

I can:
a) Go ahead and take my flight to Chicago, spend the night there and fly out the next morning (DUMB).
b) Wait to fly out tomorrow instead, making my short trip to Hawaii another day shorter.
c) Decide not to go altogether. Cant get a refund since I booked through Cheaptickets, but could receive a voucher worth $200 less than what I paid for the tix.

Quite the pickle. After deliberating for a while, I decided to take the flight tomorrow and extend my stay for an extra day. This means I will have to take a day off of work. Mr. United Airlines will be hearing from me tomorrow:)

I did however, meet one of my goals. I had a great conversation with the ladies at the desk next to me. They were on their way to Beijing for the Games. They were so excited about my trip and expressed their sincere sympathy for my predicament. Sweet sweet ladies.

SO... i returned home and discouraged, I went straight to bed. Im still in Nashville. Hopefully tomorrow I'll actually get to travel.

2008-08-04T22:15:00.000-07:00

Im off to vacay in Hawaii for a few days. Yeah... poor me.

My pal Jen and I are celebrating the fact that she has finished the Bar exam and is on her way to being a real life, able-to-practice lawyer. Im terribly excited to hang with her since I havent seen her since I moved from Texas!

On the list of things to accomplish while in Hawaii:
1) Attend a Luau...not sure what this entails, but I've heard its like a day-long party on the beach? Could be interesting.
2) SURF. Havent been since I lived in Cali and Im soo ready to "catch some gnarly waves":)
3) Hiking in the mountains of Oahu Island: Explore the outdoors while burning calories... can life get better?
4) Snorkel: I forgot my water proof camera:( Oh wait, I dont own one.
5) People-watch/Meet and Greet: Ive always wanted to be the kind of person that could just strike up a conversation with anyone without feeling like I was bothering them. Especially at airports. So many crazy people.. all with different stories and different destinations. Problem is, I cant bring myself to do it. Im too reserved. Instead I put the headphones in my ears and stick my nose in a book.

So, during my 15-hour trip over to the Islands and my equally lenghty trip back, I plan to step out of the boundaries of comfort. By posting this, Im counting on your accountability. Keep in mind, Ill be spending a few hours in Chicago and San Fransisco...GREAT PEOPLE-WATCHING POTENTIAL. If anyone has any great conversation starters, you let me know.
And, in case you were wondering, Ill be documenting all mullets as well.

The fight for freedom

2008-08-04T01:12:00.000-07:00

I was just reading over my last post and realizing how ridiculous it is.

Is it possible that my words speak volumes of my inaccurate and unbiblical view of God? Has my pious perfectionism become the chain that refuses to let me walk freely by grace alone?

The fear of disappointing Him and the ever present need for His approval can quite possibly lead to the worst kind of slavery.

TRUTH: I have already died to all that was never apart of Him.

So where is the line? Is there even a line? Is it possible to live a life of freedom, basking in the grace of our great God, while also keep guard over hearts?

A penny for your thoughts?

My Hiatus Habit

2008-08-02T05:48:00.000-07:00

Some of my friends have begun to notice a pattern in my life lately. I think they're getting a little concerned.

Im constantly going "on hiatus". Yeah.. thats what I said...hiatus. And every time I type that word "hiatus" it looks weirder and weirder. Im wondering if I should look it up on "wikipedia" before I publish this post to make sure it doesn't have any hidden, inappropriate meanings. It looks like it could:/

Maybe we should, to be safe, use "on a break" instead. Or we could get uber-spiritual and say that I "fast" from things. Oh wait... Jesus said were not supposed to tell other people when we fast. Soooooooo whatever- I go on hiatus's... hiatuses?... hiatusi?! Nevermind.

Whether I'm taking a break from Starbucks (for my wallet's sake), from Youtube (for time's sake), from boys (for sanity's sake)... or something else requiring what I may or may not have to offer... I have been recognizing the need to take steps away from certain things. Just to make sure they're not becoming something in my life that they shouldn't be. I need to know that certain things in my life, even perfectly healthy, delicious, and fun things aren't slowly and silently binding me in chains. I dont want chains.

Of course, this is not to say that I think Starbucks is dangerous in itself....but gluttony and poor financial choices are. Youtube is not the enemy, but not being a good steward of my time is. Boys (most, anyway) aren't of the devil, but friendships/relationships that are not healthy or edifying can quickly lead, not only to destruction of a friendship, but also to the painful and ever-awkward DTR convo.

It may be completely stupid, but I also know that, for me, its worth it to be sure that Im not holding onto things too tightly. Its not necessarily about the things themselves, but about character. It's about what is being formed within me. And my heart has no room for idols.

"Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this in yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?" (1 Corinthians 13:5).

So, as dumb as it may sound, my latest "hiatus" is from that thing we all love.. that quasi-personal friend that keeps us all connected... and steals way too much of our time. Yes, that's right- Im going on a Facebook Fast. I know, its gonna be a rough life and I dont know how long it will last. I've lived in too many places and have a hard tme keeping up with everyone so FB has become my greatest ally in "KIT" (Keeping in touch, for all you who dont know the lingo;) Even still, the FB tends to get a little ridiculous...and Im taking a break.

"All things are lawful but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be bound by anything" (1 Cor. 6:12).

So, feel free to leave messages on the good 'ole FB... I'll just get to them later.

Sonic-America's Drive In

2008-07-31T12:29:00.001-07:00

Im thankful for Sonic. When I lived in L.A, Sonic could only be reached by driving at least 45 minutes away. Now, there's a Sonic less than a minute away from home.

The place just never ceases to amaze me. Recently, they announced their latest creation: the Fried Ice Cream Blast. WOW. I mean, what will they think of next?

Slushies... good. Ice cream...good. Floats, Cream Pie shakes, and Sundeas....good, good, and good. A creamy crunch blend of vanilla ice cream, caramel, cinnamon crisps and whipped cream? GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.

With all of their consistently creative endeavors, it surprises me that their advertising has not followed suit. I used think their commercials with the two goofy guys (or the man and his wife) were funny. I even laughed at a few...some more than Id like to admit. But I think I speak for most when I say, move on Mr. Sonic. Let the creative juices flow into a new marketing plan...PLEASE. Oh yeah... and thanks for the fried ice cream blast: its DREAMY:)

2008-07-28T16:38:00.000-07:00

Im not taking classes in the fall. It's official.

I am confident that this is the most wise way for me to be a good steward of my time, my abilities and my gifts.

"But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry" (2 Timothy 4:5)

I've been blessed with the burden of ministering among children and families who are enduring unbelievably difficult circumstances. This is my ministry during this time of my life and I want to be able to continue to make an eternal impact through my work there.

Thanks for your prayers

2008-07-26T23:32:00.000-07:00

I went to Dollywood with my mom, grandma, aunt and cousin this week. FABULOUS. My #1 goal was to encounter (and photographically document) as many mullets as possible. Interestingly enough, I was disappointed. Wanted to find more than 10 but sadly only found 3. One of the three was actually a "mommy-mullet" which, in my book, counts as two.
Not a total success, but it certainly made the trip more exciting.

Still working through the decision with school. The peace I thought I had faded quickly. Im such a spaz.
Dont want to make this decision based on fear...fear of failing, fear of not being disciplined enough, fear of not being able to have a social life, fear of not being able to pay for school...of God not providing for my needs. I don't want my choices in life to be driven by fear.

In the days of spiritual "tolerance" and theological pluralism, and with the recent consideration of Christianity as a "poor man's religion", I think there is certainly a need for some followers who are devoted to Christ to be succeeding in the midst of "intellectual circles"...especially at a school like Vanderbilt.

At the same time, I hardly consider myself- someone whose facebook interests include "midget wrestling and slushies" and who goes to Dollywood in search of mullets-by any means, an intellectual.

Regardless, I'll make a final decision about school on Monday after meeting with my financial aid advisor.

2008-07-20T01:43:00.001-07:00

So...I just spent about an hour writing a post about a decision Ive been wrestling with. I wrote about the whole process..the pros, the cons and how I have finally come to a resolution about which I can say that I am finally at peace.

After writing it out, I decided that the only advantage of my writing was to get all of it out of my head. Had I left it for you to read, I'm confident you wouldve been really bored and confused and you might not want to be my friend anymore. So Im leaving all that worthless jabber out and simply stating what is relevant:

I have decided NOT to take Theological Studies classes at Vanderbilt in the fall.

I plan to defer my Nursing studies to next year (Fall 2009).

I want to have the opportunity to invest and get connected in a church here in Nashville.

I miss teaching bible study and writing, and, as the Lord leads, I hope to get back to it soon.

I love my friends here and want to be able to invest in relationships and continue our journey in community with one another.

I have been encouraged to step up in some leadership opportunities at work that I believe will have a tremendous impact on the care we provide for kids and their families.

I believe that the Lord is more glorified when I am able to give 100% in a few areas of my life rather than only being able to invest tiny pieces of myself in too many commitments.

I value sleep and, even thought I often get little of it, I believe it is necessary for adequate daily functioning, safe driving, and healthy complexion.

I cant wait to see Nashville in the fall...and go camping...and watch every college football game that is played (ok...maybe not all, but most of them).

So, there it is. That's pretty much it. Please pray for continued peace and affirmation in this...and protection from the thought that I am letting anyone down, including myself.

2008-07-18T02:09:00.000-07:00

Tonight (well... this morning, if you wanna get technical) I went to see The Dark Knight. I went by myself. Do you think that's weird? Yes, I would have enjoyed company, but a film of this measure can totally be enjoyed alone. And those of you who know me well also know that I don't mind this sort of thing.

I would really love to fully explain to you how much I really liked this movie... how it was such a well written piece of work that flaunted, as any superhero story would, the endless battle between good and evil... how the acting was fantastic, including the amazing work of the late Heath Ledger (and, of course, the ruggedly handsome Christian Bale)... how the graphics, the action, and the suspense kept me from realizing that the movie lasted almost three hours. I would tell you so much more, but suffice it to say that it is worth paying the outrageous movie ticket prices. I was thoroughly pleased.

Must be getting to bed. Getting up in a few hours to go RIVER RAFTING(!) in some other part of Tennessee.

2008-07-16T23:28:00.000-07:00

Im 25. Whoa.

A few friends and I had a low-key dinner at Sol, a mexican restaurant in downtown Franklin. If you ever get the chance to go there, PASS. Seriously, find somewhere else to eat...anywhere. Just dont eat there. I hate to complain, but it was just way too pricey and the food wasnt very good. I apologize to my friends for picking such a crappy place but Im glad you were there.

So yeah, Im 25. Doesnt really feel any different...no birthday ever does. I always joke about how I feel like Im getting old and that the years are passing by way too quickly.

In all honesty, I do become pretty overwhelmed when I stop long enough to take a good look at my life.

I keep coming back to the same question: What the heck did I do to deserve this amazing life?

I love that I have been able to freely pursue my dreams and the things I love.
I love that I can remember being in college just a few years ago... not having a fat clue what I would eventually do with my life, and yet now I find myself in a profession that fits me perfectly. I cant imagine doing anything else or having more joy in my work, even on the difficult days.
I love that He has not only allowed, but expected me to live my life as an adventure-experiencing the mountaintops and valleys and everything in-between.
I love that I can count on my parents to support me in anything...that they trust me to make wise decisions and trust my ability to hear God's voice even when that translates to "I think He's calling me to go overseas for a few months" or "I think I might be moving to Tennessee".
I love that I have had the opportunity to live in seven different cities and serve in seven different countries over the last seven years.
I love that I have seen, and continue to see, His hand moving in the lives of people I have spent years praying for.
I love that despite my greatest mistakes and my inability to always "do the things I ought to do" , His grace abounds all the more and He hasn't given up on me.
I love that I have learned to face many of my greatest fears.
I love that He has taught me that death is not the greatest thing to be feared, but rather the absence of life while living (sorry for the cliche).
I love that even though I wouldnt have always chosen it, He has allowed me to walk through times of great sorrow to remind me how to live joyously...times of wilderness to teach me to hear His voice more clearly... and times of confusion so that I might learn to recognize His peace.
I love that Ive learned that its okay to ask for big things...even the seemingly impossible...that I can ask about even the most absurd possibility and trust Him to open and close doors according to His good and perfect will.
I love that I have friends who are a constant encouragement in my life, who are invested in my life, who challenge me and pray for me consistently.
I love that, as morbid as it may sound, I can honestly say that if I were to die tomorrow, I would be completely content with who I am, where Im going, and how I have lived my life.
I love that even though I cant imagine how He could possibly bless my life any more than He already has, He already has plans in the works.

I certainly do not find myself in want of any good thing and I feel blessed beyond belief. Thank you for all of your birthday messages and phone calls, etc. I love you all dearly! Here's to another 25 years of adventure!

When Batman meets Jesus...

2008-07-10T23:44:00.000-07:00

There are so many things I love about him. I love him waking us up in the morning. When he wrestles a little and then turns it into hugs. When he picks wild flowers for Theresa and goes to the front door and rings the doorbell and she answers and he says, "Special delivery for Mrs. Williams."

The few sentences above were written by the dad of a sweet former patient of mine...a 5 year old superhero who met Jesus last night.

I could write a thousand things about how he made me laugh, how he was my Batman and I was his Catwoman, how he called his dad his "best partner" and his mom was his "true love", and how his love for Jesus, even as a five year old, challenged me to know Him and come to Him as a child would.

I remember reading a story on their carepage from a few months ago. His foot had been hurting him so much that he couldnt walk well for a little while. He prayed every night that Jesus would "help him to jump again". When it felt better he went to his mom and said, "My foot feels much better. You should tell Jesus 'thanks'". After she did, he said he wasn't sure if that was good enough so he broke out into his own "song of Thanksgiving". He was stinkin hilarious.

When I learned of his passing this am, the only thing I knew to do was get on my knees, turn on the music, and sing my own song of Thanksgiving, praising God for the victory of eternal life...even with the tears streaming, my gut wrenching, and my snotty nose running.

There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne

(Chris Tomlin)

Goodbye, my precious Batman. I'll miss you but I'll see you again soon.

2008-07-07T01:47:00.000-07:00

The boy continued to listen to his heart as they crossed the desert. He came to understand its dodges and tricks, and to accept it as it was. He lost his fear, and forgot about his need to go back to the oasis, because, one afternoon, his heart told him that it was happy.

'Even though I complain sometimes,' it said 'it's because I'm the heart of a person and people's hearts are that way. People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been good but weren't, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly.'

'My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer,' the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky.

'Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity'."

From "The Alchemist" by Paolo Coelho

2008-07-06T20:56:00.000-07:00

Updates:

a) Im in the middle of a stretch of 4 consecutive nights at work (after tonight, one more to go!) Since I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping during the day, I thought this just might be the death of me.

Dont know who out there has been praying on my behalf, but the last 2 days I have slept 7-8 hours between shifts and I actually feel fantastic. So, whoever you are...I thank God for you!

b) Lots goin on- not necesarily tangible life changes or anything, but the internal stuff, if that makes any sense. I keep getting the feeling that the Lord is asking me to continue waiting...that He is doing things and working things out in His perfect timing. And He's asking me to wait and be patient. Not always easy, but always worth it, it seems.

c) Please pray for my Batman. The last several months he has felt great despite the progression of his disease, even playing t-ball. But this week he has begun to feel the effects. The latest post that his dad wrote is just another example of how amazing this family is. Click here.

d) The last few nights I have taken care of a little 2-year-old boy. His dad (who incessantly uses profane language infront of the child)called for me last night after he noticed a worm in his poop. I walk into his room to find dad rooting through the toilet with a tongue depressor trying to find the worm and child sitting on the bathroom floor repeating "There's worms in my SH**! There's worms in my SH**!

(Not sure what the point of those little asterisks is but I tried writing out the whole word and it just didnt seem appropriate- you get the picture:)

The sad thing is, I was just about to tell the kid that it's not nice to use words like that, when dad shouted, "GD, I cant find that F'ing worm". Pointless.

2008-07-01T11:17:00.000-07:00

I spent the last week at high school/middle school camp down in Texas. As the camp nurse, it was my duty to see that the health of the kids was maintained and that any injuries that occurred were taken care of. Miraculously, after 5 days of crazy activities not one of the 300-400 students and staff sustained serious injuries and no trips were made to the hospital. Praise Jesus! Thanks for prayers:)

Throughout the week, I was able to get to spend some sweet time alone with the Lord. Sitting outside on the porch, in a wooden rocking chair, breathing in the hot and humid Texas air- oh it was heavenly.

What a blessing to be a part of what the Lord is doing among students! I watched them interact, loving each other, worshipping God, making commitments to pursue a relationship with Him. I was reminded of what a privilege it is to know Him...and to share Him with others. Its so easy to get caught up in all the preparations, logistics, and activities... so easy to forget that these kids are meeting with Jesus, some for the very first time. Their lives are being changed in our midst and our amazing Savior, so real and so active, is taking them to deeper places-preparing them for the purposes He wishes to carry out with their lives. These are truly divine moments occurring before our eyes. Im so grateful to have been a part of it.

2008-06-19T21:45:00.000-07:00

The Jonny Lang/Dave Barnes show was amazing. Hands down-best live music show I've ever been to. His album, while I love it, does not compare to the live performance. He's like 1000 times better live. The guy is wickedly talented... mad crazy on the guitar... and many of his soulful lyrics bleed words of such hope.

...and my neighbor Dave wasn't too shabby either;)

Did I mention we ate at Chuy's tonight?? Oh how Ive missed the Tex-Mex!

Haven't slept since yesterday at 8 am. so its finally time for bed.

Its nice to be back in Texas:)

Oh... and check out this really cool interview with Jonny Lang.

2008-06-16T20:45:00.001-07:00

I never knew pulling weeds could be so physically...and spiritually demanding.

After procrastinating for weeks, I finally decided it was time to freshen up the yard. Riley tried to help, but he would always end up eating soemthing non-edible out of the pile of weeds and, as a result, would vomit right there in the grass.

I've never really spent much time working in the yard, so this turned out to be quite the learning experience. Multiple times I was forced to call Mom. Usually the conversation went as follows:

Me: "Hey mom. Me again. Im not sure if this is a weed or some kind of tree...plant...shrub...thing"
Mom: "Well, what does it look like?"
Me: "Um...its green and kind of wilted looking.. kinda scraggily. I think its probably a weed, except that its almost as tall as me"
Mom: "Amber, that's probably because it hasnt been pulled in so long. Do you want to take a picture of it with your phone and send it to me? (I have never been so proud of my technologically semi-savvy mom than at this moment).
Me: "No.. that's ok. Im pretty sure its a weed. Ill just pull it up"
Mom: "Well, dont go pulling up your entire yard"
Me: "I wont..."

And I went to work. It wasnt until I really got down into the depths of all that foliage that I began to realize how much overgrown mess there was. I pulled weeds for hours. I pulled those short stubby weeds (aka the only ones I knew for sure, at the beginning of my task, were weeds). I pulled out the ones that were almost taller than me. I even had to pull out the ones that were beginning to bloom "weed flowers".. trying to disguise themselves as lively plants.

As I continued, I began to notice vines with thorns that had entangled themselves around the plants from the ground all the way to branches of trees situated behind the garden. It was as if someone had skillfully coiled them around the smallest branches of the plants, sucking the life right out of them. They were terribly constricted and so obviously choking to death. I tugged on one and it began to budge. I pulled again and finally what seemed to be a small to medium sized vine-weed would unwind itself from the greenery to reveal its truly monstrous size. Its removal set the "true" plants free to breathe easily once again.

I wish I could say that after the several hours that I worked in the yard (in the blazing sun) it now looks spectacular. However, there remains much work to be done. Many of the plants have been injured in the process. The rose bushes and tulips that once looked so vibrant have to be trimmed and supported. The soil still needs to be replaced and fresh mulch needs to be applied. Consistent watering and upkeep will be necessary. Seems like a lot of work, but Im sure its beauty will be revealed in due time.

As I worked though, verses of scripture kept popping into my head, and the obvious spiritual applications of this task began to sink in.

The last few months I have asked of God that He would re-establish my identity in Him...that He would remind me of who I am in Him and who He is calling me to be. After moving around so much, it has been so easy to allow outside influences to determine who I am and the type of woman I am becoming. Now, living in a place where it seems socially and culturally appropriate to lower certain standards, I find that He is calling me instead to a higher one. This has caused some confusion and a feeling of discord between what I should allow and what He has called me to, but He has been so faithful and merciful to walk with me, slowly speaking truth and reiterating His promises over me.

I've had many conversations with college students about how wisdom is learning to recognize the difference between truth and lies. When the lies, like the weeds, seem to have taken over, it becomes difficult to recognize the difference between the two. Its not until you get down deep in the midst of it, tugging and pulling...first removing those which are obvious...that it becomes more and more clear. Its a slow, messy and often painful process, but its completely vital to truly experiencing life.

"Jesus told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. 25But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. 26When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.

27"The owner's servants came to him and said, 'Sir, didn't you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?'

28" 'An enemy did this,' he replied.
"The servants asked him, 'Do you want us to go and pull them up?'

29" 'No,' he answered, 'because while you are pulling the weeds, you may root up the wheat with them. 30Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.' " Matthew 13:27-29

2008-06-11T21:08:00.000-07:00

Riley (my yellow lab) and I went for a long walk today. We took our usual route: through the park to Kirkwood, and on down Belmont Blvd. Stopped at Bongo Java for a cup of coffee and some reading time.

We often are greeted by people on our walks. They always want to say hello...mostly to Riley since he's way cuter than I.

Today we passed a rugged, middle-aged Asian man as he was sweeping the front of a restaurant on Belmont Blvd. He was rough looking, with a long cigarette hanging out of the side of his mouth. If I didnt know better, I would have said he had come straight out of the Korean War, and had a machine gun disreetly hidden under the back of his shirt.

He reached down to pet Riley and I quickly became protective. He muttered something under his breath. I had my headphones in my ears, so I didnt hear exactly what he said, but I could have sworn I read his lips. "Yes.. fresh meat. You would taste delicious in a teriyaki bowl with extra soy sauce".

No lie. I actually thought this. Riley and I quickly continued on our way and I spent the next several minutes repenting of my subconsciously sterotypical ways.

WOW

2008-06-09T20:56:00.000-07:00

From FOXNEWS.com
Little Macie McCartney was welcomed into the world not once — but twice.

Four months into Keri McCartney's pregnancy, doctors reportedly noticed a tumor growing on the baby's tailbone.

Doctors discovered that the tumor was stealing blood from the fetus and weakening her heart. So, at 25 weeks, surgeons at Texas Children's Fetal Center cut into McCartney's abdomen in an effort to remove the life-threatening mass, according to a CBS News report.

“Prenatal surgery is still done in very few select areas in the United States,” Dr. Manny Alvarez, FOXNews.com's managing health editor, said Monday. “And there are a limited number of medical conditions where prenatal surgery is indicated and this is one of them.”

Once the abdomen was open, doctors pulled out the entire uterus — and then half of the baby.

At that point, surgeons carefully cut away the non-cancerous tumor, which reportedly was the size of a grapefruit.

“This operation is similar to a Caesarean section,” said Alvarez, who is chairman of the Department of Obstetrics, Gynecology and Reproductive Science at Hackensack University Medical Center in New Jersey.

“Half of the baby is extracted — only the part that needs to be operated on. And then she is put back into the womb," he said. "The womb is then closed and carefully monitored for signs of premature labor and other complications.”

And fortunately there were no other complications. The baby grew for another 10 weeks inside her mother.

"We definitely had hope, but at the same time there are those times things don't go your way and God has other plans," McCartney told CBS News.

After spending a month in the hospital, Macie "Hope" McCartney was expected to go home with her parents on Saturday.

This type of tumor is a rare and a sometimes fatal condition affecting one in 35,000 babies.

Other conditions such as diaphragmatic hernia, renal obstruction and vascular abnormalities of the placenta also require prenatal surgery, Alvarez said.

2008-06-09T03:07:00.000-07:00

Working...once again. I feel like Ive lived at this place lately.

Got a few more hours to go... then Im finally going to bed. Desperately needing to catch up on the Z's.

Ive spent the last half an hour or so with my 6-day-old patient...rocking...and rocking...and rocking some more. He's so stinkin' tiny...so fragile. Just holding him kind of makes me a little nervous to tell you the truth. I'd be lying if I said I didnt want one though (... one day).

It is taking me a while to get used to this schedule. My sleep habits are nowhere close to anything that's normal and Im already starting to lose a little weight because Im missing meals (Who needs the J.A.M anyway?)

Still, there's something about walking through the night with these kids...ushering them into a new day... that seems really worthwhile. Not sure how long Ill be doing this, but Im learning to enjoy it for now.

2008-06-06T23:35:00.001-07:00

Strange, pointless story:

A semi-hefty check from a former investment account was sent this week to my parent's house, and my mom so graciously took it by the bank and deposited it into my account for me. Unfortunately, I had to switch banks after moving to Nashville, and as a result, large checks get put on hold for new customers(banks like to say that this is a security feature to protect me and my money, but we all know thats a lie).

Being from an investment account, my mom tried to explain to the banker that the risk of the check not being paid was essentially none, and therefore, asked that the hold be lifted immediately.

The banker kindly vowed to "look into" the situation and would call as soon as he knew something. That was two whole days ago.

This afternoon, as I looked through my large stack of bills needing to be paid, I decided to call the bank and find out about my check.

No answer. I called three more times over the next hour or so. Nothing.

Called mom. She, gracious woman that she is, went down the street to the bank and called me when she read the sign out front saying, "TEMPORARILY CLOSED". What bank randomly closes in the middle of the day on a Friday? Its not a holiday, is it?

I decided to call another banking center to see if I could get some answers. Sandra came on the line. I told her the whole story, including the mysterious sign and store closing.

Nonchalantly, she replied, "Oh...yeah, they closed early today because they were robbed. Let me see if I can work on that check for you though. Hold please".

WOW. Who are we.. George "Babyface" Nelson in the 1920s? Who the heck robs banks anymore?

2008-06-01T19:08:00.000-07:00

1) Ive had this feeling for a little while that I wanted to do something drastic...(in addition to moving to a new city, into a new house, preparing for studies at a new school and starting a new job). Something like getting a tattoo or something ridiculous that wouldn't be "expected" of me. I decided that a tattoo was way too permanent (although Im not terribly opposed to the idea), so I dyed my hair instead. Ive been a blonde for many years now, so its a little bit of a shock. Not really used to it yet, but there's no going back now!

My friend Jen noted that she went back to brunette before starting law school and believes its might be some kind of "rite of passage"into the world of graduate studies. I can already sense the increased capacity for knowledge emerging within me.

2) I started back to the wonderful world of night shift this week. Haven't worked nights since my first 8 weeks in L.A. and I haven't missed it at all. I don't sleep well during the day. Before my first night, I tried to take a nap. After one hour of semi-satisfying slumber, I woke up drenched in sweat. I checked the thermostat... 86 degrees. I wanted to cuss. Our A/C is obviously malfunctioning and wont be fixed until tomorrow:(

3) I feel the need to inform you that I don't have my life figured out. I don't consider my work to be a "noble quest" regardless of what you say (except that it is the King's command that I pursue it, and pursue it well) Sometimes I feel like some people see something in me that I don't see in myself. They see a girl who is loyal, disciplined, organized, faithful and smart. Such thinking will only lead to disappointment as you really get to know me. Therefore, I must inform you:

- I am often very scatterbrained and easily distracted, especially when I get busy and overwhelmed.
- I never know where my keys are and I lose stuff a lot. .
- I struggle with making decisions and can be very indecisive. Strangely, the big stuff is way easier for me. Its the little stuff, the stuff of little importance that I cant decide on: wear to eat, what to eat, what to wear, etc etc.
- I change clothes several times before going out (a good example of the previous statement) and usually don't hang them back up until later. This leaves them wrinkled and now they require a few minutes in the dryer before I can wear them. Dont know why I haven't realized that it would be more time-efficient to just hang them up right away.
- I let my friends down more than I like to admit.
- I struggle with things that would scare you.
- I failed the "gifted and talented" program in elementary school because I was too shy to tell the test proctor all the creative things I could do with a trash can. I ended up being something of a "G/T alternate" who was placed in G/T classes because of my grades, but without being labeled gifted or talented. I still find this awkward.
- I still don't know of many creative things to do with a trash can.
- I have issues when it comes to relationships. Sometimes I cant commit, sometimes I cant let go. Sometimes I really want to be in love, sometimes I would rather die alone. Sometimes I want to be married, sometimes Im not sure I fully believe in it
(Ok, I do believe in it... Im just a little afraid of it). Sometimes I'm comforted by my emotions, sometimes they scare me to death.
- I have come close to passing out several times at work (sometimes stuff is just disgusting...and sometimes very overwhelming)
- I am horrible with financial matters. I can add and subtract, but this is the extent of my economical knowledge. I dont understand concepts like stocks, bonds, investment, interest, etc. Im lucky if I pay my bills on time.
- I dont have my life "figured out". Most of the time, I dont have a clue what Im doing, except that the Lord said "Come" and so I went. He said, "Walk" and I stepped. He said, "Go" so I packed up and began an adventure with no clear destination or verifiable reason.

Is that enough? Because I could go on...

Bottomline, If you see anything in my life that is noble, adventurous, brave or beautiful, it is Him you see, not me.

I hope we can still be friends.

2008-05-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

"Let me be in love with what you love
Let me be most satisfied in you;
Forsaking what this world has offered me,
I choose to be in love with you.
I will choose to be in love with you."
-Watermark

Good Grief!

2008-05-22T19:31:00.001-07:00

"Don't get me wrong; grief sucks; it really does. Unfortunately, though, avoiding it robs us of life, of the now, of a sense of living spirit. Mostly I have tried to avoid it by staying very busy, working too hard, trying to achieve as much as possible. You can often avoid the pain by trying to fix other people; shopping helps in a pinch, as does romantic obsession. Martyrdom cant be beat. While too much exercise works for many people, it doesn't for me, but I have found that a stack of magazines can be numbing and even mood altering. But the bad news is that whatever you use to keep the pain at bay robs you of the flecks and nuggets of gold that feeling grief will give you. A fixation can keep you nicely defined and give you the illusion that your life has not fallen apart. But since your life may indeed have fallen apart, the illusion wont hold up forever, and if you are lucky and brave, you will be willing to bear disillusion. You begin to cry and writhe and yell and then to keep on crying; and then, finally, the grief ends up giving you the two best things; softness and illumination" (Anne Lamott)

Confession: I used to go to counseling. Had a lot of crap to deal with. I would talk about stuff and my counselor, I knew, was always expecting me to cry. It was as if her success level was proportional to number of Kleenex boxes used. Even so, I never did. I don't like to cry in front of people. One time she even brought tissues and sat them right there next to me as if the symbol alone would somehow release the water works. I came close once...maybe twice. We talked about grief...the passing of loved ones...of patients...of relationships...of predictability...of marriage. I think it worried her that I didnt cry....that I wasn't truly dealing with the losses I had encountered. But I couldn't. I tried. I instead had to rationalize...make sense of it... call it a tragedy...and move on with life. Im beginning to realize more and more that she may have been right. I, Amber Nicole Slater, am slowly learning to grieve.

Some days I wander through life barely believing that I could possibly deserve the life I've been given. I spend some time praying throughout the day and try to forget the problems and suffering of those around me... unless of course they affect my life somehow: the rising gas prices, the declining worth of the American dollar, and other signs that I may soon live in absolute "poverty.

Then there are the times when Im confronted...no, blindsided... by the utter turmoil that is occurring in people all around me. Many would think that I would be in a constant state of prayer due to the high intensity of my job. While I make it a point to pray for every kid I treat, I have to say I fail miserably to truly saturate them with words of intercession. To put it plainly, sometimes i just get a little used to it. There are just so stinking many.

It always seems that just when I begin to feel a little numb to the needs around me, God sends more my way. Im quickly reminded of the frailty of life...and the life I don't deserve.

A 15 year old friend falls from a tree and is unsure if he will walk again.

A man falls from ladder and remains unconscious but stable.

Earthquakes in China

A friend's family friend is diagnosed with cancer.

Cyclones in Myanmar and their rubbish and unbelievably oppressive government

A godly family loses a child to a horrible accident; and comforts a son that feels responsible.

My 5 year old friend whose disease continues to progress even while he feels great and plays baseball.

Its overwhelming to know that there are so many of us with so much grief, and as Americans, we instinctively learn to mourn silently and individually. No wonder the majority of the population is on antidepressants.

Lord, help us to grieve our losses. Teach us to remember that though we are but dust, you remove our rags and clothe us with your majesty. Our lives, if we are truly living, are filled with the burdens of your children. Comfort us as we struggle to make sense of it. Let us weep for the lonely, the broken, the destitute and the dying... until our hearts bleed desperately for more of you. Help me to pray as I should... to bring the needs before Your throne. Humble me and crush my idols until You take me home.

Lars + Bianca = Love

2008-05-19T10:08:00.000-07:00

I rented the movie "Lars and the Real Girl" the other night. Seriously, one of the best movies I've seen in a while- and not just because I think Ryan Gosling is a brilliant actor. It's strange though...starts out a bit slow, but the script and cinematography are outstanding (I guess my time in L.A. turned me into a movie critic somehow because I now find myself noticing these types of things).

If you haven't seen the flick and hate hearing details before you do, STOP reading this...then come back and see if you agree with my thoughts.

Even though the leading lady was not, this movie was very real in the sense that its ability to be related to life existed on a thousand different levels. Each character represented a new aspect of our search to be known, to love, and to exist in community. Throughout the movie, there was a progression from isolation to existence, from hurting to healing, from death into life.

I loved the idea that "Bianca", who had originally been constructed and used for destructive purposes, was- for Lars- the very thing that brought him freedom and health.

It made me wonder what life would be like if we offered the kind of support to broken, messed up people (including me...and you) that this community did for Lars. Many times it appeared that he was being set up for complete humiliation, but oddly, those around him embraced him, supported him and accepted him, even with his absurd coping skills and without the certainty that his "delusions" would eventually subside.

So much more to comment on, but dont want to spoil it too much. Check it out and lend me your thoughts.

2008-05-14T18:21:00.001-07:00

"All good stories are out there waiting to be told in a fresh, wild way. Mark Twain said that Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before. Life is like a recycling center, where all concerns and dramas of humankind get recycled back and forth across the universe. But what you have to offer is your own sensibility, maybe your own sense of humor or insider pathos or meaning. All of us can sing the same song, and there will still be four billion different renditions. Some people will sing it spontaneously, with a lot of soulful riffs, while others are going to practice until they could sing it at the Met. Either way, everything we need in order to tell our stories in a reasonable and exciting way already exists in each of us" (Anne Lamott)

My fears and frustrations about books and writing caused me to leave Borders three times empty handed (see previous post), yet I find these relevant words inside a book I discovered beneath my feet on the floorboard of a friend's car. I find this quite funny...

Im weird.

2008-05-09T19:29:00.000-07:00

I've been "tagged" by a few blog friends, which apparently means Im supposed to write 6 weird/random things about myself.
I'm goin for it... here's what I got:

1) I've moved 13 times (not including the times I've temporarily moved home in-between), lived in 7 different cities, and been to 7 countries since I graduated high school in 2001.

2) Speaking of getting around. I hate Kobe Bryant and the Lakers (well, I dislike them a lot) almost as much as I dislike the Utah Jazz. I was watching them play tonight while at the gym, trying to decide who I wanted to lose, and somehow developed a little bit of a crush on Lakers forward Luke Walton. Yeah, I dunno... he's pretty hot.

3) Speaking of hot, top things I find attractive in the opposite sex- in no particular order (which my best girl friends can attest to):
a) Hole-y jeans
b) white t-shirt (preferably paired with attribute #a)
c) makes me laugh
d) loves Jesus

There's prolly a few more, but these are at the top of the list...maybe I'm not as picky as people say I am. Is this getting too personal? Um...let's move on...

4) I really don't like t.v. much. I've tried to get into a few shows, but even the ones I like I'll forget to watch and never feel a bit of remorse, or Ill get distracted while watching and realize an hour or so later that I missed the whole thing.

5) Speaking of t.v., I've never seen Grease, the Princess Bride, the Sound of Music, or Back to the Future. I know they're classics and for someone who loves movies, Im kinda surprised I've never seen them.

6) Speaking of cheesy stuff, I eat cheetos in pairs... I match them up according to size. I usually do the same thing with french fries. Not sure why.

Ok.. so there ya go...probably more than you wanted to know...

PS Im soooooo glad I did this.

My Batman

2008-05-09T13:18:00.000-07:00

Latest update on my boy. Oh how the Catwoman misses him!

Please continue to pray for him and his precious family.

Check out his website at www.caringbridge.com/ryanwilliams or click the link on the right.

2008-05-06T19:30:00.000-07:00

I've been writing more recently. Always wanted to write, but never really had the guts to seriously consider it. People here inspire me to at least pursue it a little more (maybe 50% inspiration/50% intimidation). But Im really not sure Im ready to leave the confines of this blog site. There's so much pressure... to write something new, something trendy, something that will capture the attention of some audience. If I include scripture, is it too "biblical"? What proportion of what I write should be from my own perspective/experience? Can I deal with the vulnerability of allowing some of my most personal experiences to be "out there"? Maybe the problem is that I think WAY too much.

Went to Borders today. Bookstores make me happy. Im always a little bit overwhelmed by how much I don't know... and a little bit surprised by some of the stuff out there that gets published. I wandered into the Christian/Religion/Theology section, and as I looked through the shelves of books, a kind of sick feeling came over me.

There are so many people out there wanting to write something new about God. Something more acceptable... something more desirable. There's the Rob Bell and the Brian McLaren... the whole Emerging Church Movement. I hear they are really taking some heat right now...not totally sure what its about (not really interested). There's the thousand and one "Left Behind" books that some are really into... The bestsellers like Joel Osteen, who I'm a little skeptical about. Then there are the classics- the Mother Theresa and Augustine and Merton and Bonhoeffer and Lewis...the stuff I cant get away from but have to read with a thesaurus next to me. When I survey them all I realize how much is being thrown at us- so many ideas, so much that claims to be a "new truth". I remember Solomon's words about how there's nothing new under the sun...nothing but the same words rearranged in new fashion.

For hundreds of years, people have been trying to paint a new and improved picture of Jesus and "how to" live life with Him. It almost makes the actual words of Jesus seem outdated and uninspiring. I really hope thats not the case. I wonder if its possible to write something that's relevant to the culture and desirable to the world without forfeiting and belittling the power of the Cross to save. I think it might be possible. This whole process is just really humbling. Maybe Im just really naive.

So I don't know if Ill ever write anything of actual substance. I dont really care about that. I do hope, though, that my life speaks for itself... that at the end of the day it's my love for people and for Jesus that bears fruit and brings Him glory. I hope that's enough.

Cool Feeling

2008-05-01T16:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I awoke for my first day of work on the floor. Apparently something growing here in Tennessee decided to react with my eyes causing a sort of allergic reaction.

Here's how it affected my day:

Subway "sandwich artist": "What kind of cheese do you want on that turkey sub? Oh and just so ya know, you're eyes are REALLY bloodshot".

Random nurse/coworker in hospital: "Hi, um.. I havent met you yet. Have you been smoking marijuana?"

Wich-Wich worker: "You look tired. Did you just get off of work? Where do you work? What kind of sandwich do you want? How old are you? Do you live around here? You've been crying. What's wrong?"

ITS JUST ALLERGIES, PEOPLE! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Step Up

2008-04-28T18:39:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I got to chat with a new friend who will become my second roommate in June(!!). Graduating in May from Samford, she's moving to Nashville to work at Vandy Children's and is actually hoping to possibly work in Pedi Hem-Onc with me! Interested but unsure, Caroline asked me about my experiences as a nurse. She asked about the joys and frustrations of my job, and opportunities I have had to minister to children and families.

So I told her the stories of patients I have met and loved... those who have been healed and are growing up strong, those still struggling, and those precious ones who have gone to be with Jesus. I told her of the joy I have had laughing and playing with "my kids". I told her about the times I have wept in prayer, asking God for mercy and pleading with Him for healing. I spoke about the opportunities the Lord placed before me... opportunities to raise a banner and exult Him in the midst of devastating circumstances.

Tears began to fill my eyes as I told the story of one of my patients. Many of my close friends know about her and the impact her life left on mine. I remembered the day the Lord asked me to step up. She was in the ICU after a 27 hr surgery. I went down to see her and her family and offer what encouragement I could. As I approached her room, I stopped. Only a few months before, I had spent many days praying with a Muslim family whose 4 yr old daughter was dying of Neuroblastoma. I thought God would heal her, but He let me down. I wasn't totally over it. Now, as I approached her room, I knew God was asking me to make a choice.

"Amber, you know what Im asking of you here. You know that to take a step into this room is to let go of your despair and frustration, and to trust me. I will not force you to take this step. It has to be your choice"

I hesitated, but stepped in... surrendering to an adventure that would leave an eternal mark upon my already bleeding heart. It is truly unbelievable the way God mercifully used me as an instrument in the life of this family. He opened doors as we prayed, and He placed me in circumstances I could have never imagined. He taught me, through her life, that there is truly sweet victory even in the valley of death.

In hindsight, I learn that God will never force us to walk courageously into the unknown. He will not coerce me to speak His name. He also will never love me less because of my timidity should I kindly refuse to walk into a difficult situation. But He reminds me that to refuse is to miss out on some of the greatest adventures He has planned for my life. This is what I was made for.

People say that when you die those who have gone before you will be there to meet you at the heavenly gates. Im not sure if that's scripturally accurate or if it's just something we have made up. But I really hope its true. Thinking about seeing those sweet faces again, completely whole and completely well, welcoming me into the Kingdom... makes me yearn for heaven just a little more.

" But when this perishable will have put on the imperishable and this mortal will have put on immortality, then will come about the saying that is written, 'Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your sting?' The sting of death is sin and the power of sin is the law but thanks be to God who gives us the VICTORY through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain" 1 Cor. 15:54-58

I miss you...

The Theory of Velderbont

2008-04-26T10:07:00.000-07:00

Ive been living here in Nashville for over a week now, and I've been surprised at the ease with which I have begun to feel settled here. I guess its because I've moved around so much that Ive learned to adapt more quickly. Regardless of the reason, I feel comfortable here and I actually like the fact that I know Ill be here for a while.

There is, however, an odd cultural phenomenon that I have encountered, from which I have developed a theory that I like to call...the Theory of Velderbont. There are two universities (actually three, if you include Lipscomb...but i dont, so nevermind) within about a mile of my home. There is Vanderbilt, and there is Belmont. These universities are seriously located down the street from one another, and yet exhibit COMPLETELY different cultural perspectives. Such perspectives are strongly exhibited through the fashion sense, attitudes and overall life outlook among those affiliated with each institution.

Vanderbilt, as could be expected by their strengths in areas of Law, Medicine, Business, etc are usually more "put together". They have more pragmatic attitudes about life. Due to the nature of their professions, Vandies are very task oriented and have strong time management skills. Vandies are typically not very emotional and tend to follow traffic laws at all costs.

Belmont Bruins tend to excel in the arts. Music, Video, literature... If you are looking for a Bruin, you can usually find him/her either:
a) near a computer (Mac only), book, camera, or musical instrument of any sort
b) outside... if there is a patch of grass large enough to lay down, it is suitable for a picnic or nap
c) at one of the following venues i like to call the "Three C's"- concert, coffeeshop or couch.

Bruins are typically very "Emo" and can sometimes have drastic mood swings. They are unpredictable, but generally very welcoming and friendly. They have very little sense of time management. If they arrive late to meet you, its probably not that they dont like you...they just lost track of time (or maybe they really dont like you...in this case, something may be terribly wrong with you because Bruins tend to have a high tolerance for all people).

Some common rules that may guide you to discover the institutional identity of any student/affiliate of unknown origin:
Man in suit = Vandy
Man in suit jacket with vintage tshirt displayed underneath = Belmont

Hairstyles:
"Politician" Comb-over = definitely Vandy
Combover with bangs = all Belmont (may also include the ultra-trendy "mini-mullet")

Suit slacks or scrubs = Vandy
"Skinny pants" of any way, shape or form = Belmont

Sunglasses costing more than $10 (may be attached around neck by rubber or fabric strap) = Vandy
Sunglasses that can be found at any convenience store, thrift shop or time machine dating back to 80's = Belmont

Now, you may ask, "Amber, among which group of people do you find you are most identified with?" This, my friend is quite the complex question. I work at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital, and will soon be working on graduate studies in two Master's programs. I love to learn and can typically be found studying something. At work, I thrive in situations and challenges that cause me to solve problems, and on projects that require organization (although generally I am not an overly organized person). I am a "math and science" type of thinker and have often been accused of being a "realist". On the other hand, Myers-Briggs has actually dubbed me an "idealist". I have already made Bongo Java my home away from home. I dress up only when I have to. I LOVE music. While I dont consider myself to be extremely talented when it comes to creative endeavors such as making music or dabbling in other artistic avenues, I am completely intrigued by those who do. I dont feel that I require too much from people (except myself). And I dont like to take life too seriously.

So who knows. I guess this place (or both places rather) seems to be pretty good fit.

Stay tuned for amendments to the Theory of Velderbont as more research is conducted.

Where do I start?

2008-04-19T16:01:00.000-07:00

I originally started doing this blog thing for one or more of the following reasons:

a) connecting with friends and family members who are also part of the "blog community"
2) presenting thoughts, ideas, and other expressions to anyone out there willing to read them
tres) updating the world on my crazy adventure of a life without continuing to load email inboxes with massive novel-esque attachments, particularly those belonging to friends who are less than interested
D) creating an outlet for the odd yet intriguingly mystical experiences of everyday life

In many ways, I feel that I am already falling behind with this. I blame it on the busyness and the hectic week I have had: moving from an old city...visiting another country...moving to a new city. I guess its a valid excuse. The toughest thing is, now that I find the time to be still- to really sit and ponder it all- I find that there is way too much to even begin to express in words.

Maybe on some level, my inability to communicate these things says something of the greatness of our God- of His ability (and desire) to speak so deeply and intimately into the corners of our hearts. To try to explain or define in mortal terms what this looks like in my life is only to weaken words beyond measure. Some things, I must say, are just better left unspoken.

If you are to ask, I will certainly spill for you a brief (sometimes not so brief) description of what the Lord is doing in me...or what I believe He is doing in, through, or despite me... or maybe Ill tell you where I saw Him most recently. I love that there is always something to speak of when it comes to Him. He's stinkin everywhere If you really look. God forbid that I wake up one day without a thing to say. Lord, let me be speechless because of overflow and not because of drought!

Im still sitting here trying to decide what to unfold here in this post. Should I write about my time in Guatemala (there is no where near enough space or time for this one)? How Riley and I are adjusting to the city of Nashville? Or how Im no where NEAR cool enough to live in this city? Or how I decided this week to pursue a dual degree program, committing to three years in Nashville rather than only three semesters? Or how I am forever indebted to the guy at the Apple Store for replacing (at no cost) the hard drive on my Macbook today after I knocked it off my bed in my sleep. There really is no way to get it all to you here. And I could never write more than one post in a day...how uncool is that?! If you are simply intirgued by any of the above stated subjects and have some free time on your hands, you know the digits. Gimme a ring and Ill do my best.

For now, here's a quote I read yesterday. I had to reread it several times. Still working it over in my head.

"A truly balanced person retains a capacity for wonder and the willingness to express it in the very confession of creaturehood, the spontaneous acknowledgment that he is a human being and not a god, a being with limitations who, far from having embraced infinity, is happily and hopelessly engulfed by it" Brennan Manning (from The Importance of Being Foolish).

Still not sure what I think about this...but somehow Im reminded that Im small and our God is really BIG.

The cost of being courtside (and up a few levels)

2008-03-30T18:58:00.000-07:00

My brother got tickets to the Texas/Memphis b-ball game in Houston. For some reason I thought it would be cool to go. After all, the only regret I've ever had when it comes to going to sporting events was that I didn't have an extra camera battery at the 2005 Rose Bowl in California. I knew Memphis was good, but in my idealistic thinking, I actually believed Texas might have a shot. So I decided to drive the three hours to Houston, miss work, and go to the game.

As you may have seen on Sportscenter, the game was pretty pathetic. Memphis was unstoppable... they were HUGE and they were fast. Texas was small and just couldn't keep up. Oh well, better luck next time.

Disappointed but still glad for the experience, I began the journey back to San Antonio for my last days of work. I had just downloaded some new tunes on the IPOD so I set the cruise control, rolled down the windows and belted it out.... all the way into San Antonio... where the SAPD was apparently waiting to give me a speeding ticket. Somewhere along the way I had come off cruise control and was driving faster than I realized... a lot faster actually.

After a brief but ugly encounter with the "fuzz", who actually threatened to arrest me and tow my car (?!?), I realized that my unexpected trip to Houston had quickly become a very expensive disappointment. Looks like its back to Blockbuster for that fantastic Defensive Driving DVD.

On the upside, the $7 nachos were delicious.

April Madness

2008-03-27T13:10:00.001-07:00

Here's a list of important dates over the next few weeks.

April 1: Last day of work at Santa Rosa Children's

April 3: Leave for Guatemala

(I am leading a devotional for the team the first night... please pray!)

April 4-6: Medical Clinics in Chimaltenango

April 7-9: Work at Casa Bernabe Orphanage

April 10: Home from Guatemala

April 14: Leave for Nashville

April 15: Move into house in Nashville

April 21: Start work at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital

Thank you for lifting me up... Im blessed by you!